Well. It’s 10:45pm on a Wednesday night. I’m finally home from work, the gym, dinner with friends. I am showered, the kitchen is clean, and laundry folded. And now its clearly too late to start studying. The only thing I can do now is have a glass of wine and blog. Sigh. Life can be SO hard in the first world.

Yesterday I wrote about weird phobias….I asked what my friends are afraid of, and I googled some other weird ones. Today I face my own fears, I give them a name, and a picture, and will probably give you some ammunition. I will excommunicate anyone who uses this information against me in a way that does not end with my peeing my pants in laughter. Peeing my pants in fear….is usually pooping.

Okay. Herr be me fears. Shiver me timbers:

this guy didn’t help.

ichthyophobia – Fear of Fish. Yeah. I got this in spades.  I don’t mind them much like in a butcher window, which I know freaks some people out. Its more the thought that they might take a nibble of me legs. And you never know what they are thinking behind those unblinking eyes. I can barely get in a lake because I’m pretty sure the trout and things are going to brush my leg. I don’t mind snorkeling, because I spend the whole time looking for the cast of “Finding Nemo.” But if one of those things so much as looks at me, you have never seen a chubby girl swim back to the boat so fast.

remember lisa frank junk? hahaha.

Equinophobia – Fear of Horses. When I used to go to summer camp as a little kid, there was a summer when the horses gained up on me. Attackage. One tried to kill me. I’m not kidding. These are big creatures and no me gusta.

Its funny because when we were little kids, it was a BIG deal to have your birthday party at a horse ranch. For a few years, everyone who was anyone had a horse ranch party. All girls go through a “horse phase.” Some never grow out of it. Which is fine. Unless you’re one of those girls who is in college and still carrying stuff like this.

this is how i feel about it.

Ornithophobia – Fear of Birds. This is because birds are terrible. First – you never know what they’re thinking, or IF they are thinking in that tiny head that looks at you sideways. Second – they bob their head. Third – they can fly, which is just unnatural. And they are bad, bad creatures. And awful.

I also have a pretty unnatural fear about dead hair in hairbrushes. i guess that is more like a tic or OCD thing. I can’t stand seeing that.

Or when times on the microwave or oven are *too* even. IE I would NEVER microwave something for 3 minutes and 30 seconds. I might round down to 3 minutes, 21 seconds. Or bump it up a little, say 3 minutes and 32 seconds.

A fear I have conquered.…would be the fear of flying. I used to have a really hard time. There was hyperventilating, sweating, crying, shaking. You did not want to sit next to me, because I would be not so silently falling apart. But somehow, I think through practice, I have managed to shove most of that deep, deep down, and never bring it back up again.

I am also very scared of strangers. Which is why I am so friendly. If I make everyone in the world my friend, no one can be a mean stranger and try to hurt me.

Here is a video of some mean who are conquering their fears of bad people attacking them. And by “conquering their fears” you should read “making total a-holes of themselves and we can laugh.”