Sunglasses Always Fit

One of the many things I like about a tour is the group think. While I do love the thrill of researching and planning and organizing myself (and sometimes others) for a good tour about a country, there is something so lovely in having worked really hard to afford for someone else to have planned it all for you; for a very smart local with doctorates in ancient history and language and Egyptology to say “I think you should do this, I recommend you eat here,” and have everyone else on the bus go “yeah, sounds good,” and hand over money. Especially on an eight day freaking HAUL across the entire country, we were trusting our expert guide, Meged, and knowing I’ll likely never come back to Egypt, I went for it ALL. 

A highlight was visiting Abu Simbel, a massive temple complex that was a worldwide project to get disassembled and reassembled when the Nile was being damned and would have flooded this treasure. The temples are about 66 feet tall, constructed in 1265 BC (took about 25 years to build) by Ramesses the Great – one for him, one for his wife, Nefertari. We were on the bus at 4am to get there before the heat, and it almost worked? (still got HOT) It’s not a huge complex but it is stunning in its detail, grandeur, and the fact that it was broken apart and rebuilt almost seamlessly. AND that it was basically lost to time in 600 BC and then rediscovered in the 1800s. Sand is wild. 

It was three hours in a van each way, but we got to see a beautiful sunrise over the desert on the way there, and on the way back, fell victim to an Egyptian perfumeria place, where we had to listen to a woman deliver all the various benefits of “genuine, organic, amazing, etc.” essential oils. Lots of “the viagra of the Middle East” jokes included for free. Once we got back to the hotel, I ended the night in the pool loungers with my friends, drinking Egyptian heineken and journaling. Lovely.

We then had a rare morning to sleep in a bit (all the way until 10 am!) before we went to the felucca for an overnight boat trip. It’s the traditional way to travel in Egypt on the open-air boats, and our Nubian crew someone cooked all 16 people on the boat three amazing meals over a camper stove. We lay on the roof and watched the sails go back and forth, looked for babies in baskets along the riverbanks, played cards, counted donkeys and cows, saw how the locals harvest peanuts in Nile beach sand. It was slow travel, quiet, perfect sunset chasing and star-gazing. 

At night, we had a delish meal and then got cozy. I taught our guide how to play my fav card game, Golf, and then held court for about an hour, telling dating horror stories and showing everyone screenshots of terrible Tinder dates, while we listened to the horny 70s Saffa couple neck. I was worried about the sleep but it was actually wonderful, tucked up like kittens up against each other, under the fluffiest blankets ever, with our all various and sundry mouthguards, ear plugs, special pillows and what not. 

The next day we disembarked and drove to Luxor to see the glorious Karnak Temple – a huge outdoor complex that rulers built over and on top of each other for 200 some odd years, then was covered in dirt and discovered later on. There were mud brick walls stacked up next to much bigger walls and columns that helped archaeologists understand some of the building techniques that were used to build and then carve these massive places.

One of the highlights was walking around a statue of a scarab beetle seven times, meant to bring good luck. There are also legends that Moses is inscribed about on the columns. It’s so big that there were areas I could wander through and be almost alone. That night I watched the sun set over the Nile and over the long walkway filled with rams’ heads next to our hotel, sipping overpriced hotel beer and then helping my friends get to a rooftop dinner spot for some Egyptian goods. We had an early night because we had a big wake-up call planned! Hot air balloons!

We were ready to go at 4am, and took a van to a small boat across the Nile, to a smaller van, to a big outdoor area filled with tourists, standing in the cold, in the pitch black, lit up only by dozens of fires filling up hot air balloons. Twenty-four people can fit into the sectioned baskets, and you get sized up by weight for even distribution, clamber in, and then up you go! It was quiet, save the occasional blast of gas sent up into the balloon and the walkie-talkie of the captain. You don’t realize how high you’re getting until you spot a bird or donkey or person on a motorcycle way, way, WAY down below. We watched the sunrise, looked over the Valley at the fields and the excavated grounds. It was pretty incredible, but scary enough that a woman in our basket passed out. Turns out she’s scared of heights, had not told her boyfriend when he’d signed them up for the trip. 

The ride was thrilling, and then we went right back to a jam-packed schedule, stopping at the Colossi of Memnon before heading to the Valley of the Kings. Rulers were buried there secretly for thousands of years, King Tut was discovered there, and about 60 others. Archaeologists are still uncovering more. We walked deep underground to the tombs of the pharaohs, the walls covered in incredible paintings. Then we went to the house of the local mayor for a family meal, which was lovely.

In the afternoon the highlight was visiting the Valley of the Queens, and seeing the incomparable tomb of Queen Nefertari. The rich colors and the size of the tomb were mind-blowing. Definitely worth the extra fee. 

We were exhausted at the end of it all, but soldiered on to look for a rumored liquor store nearby, as we had a 12 hour train ride back up to Cairo to get through. The Saffas, Brits, Kiwi and I did some last minute souvenir shopping and then found an insanely overpriced wine shop, but needs must. The train sounds like it’s going to be really romantic, but is actually really hard to sleep in and the shared toilet is a toxic waste situation. I spent most of my time staring out the window, sipping a terrible red, thinking about all I’d seen. 

Our last morning I went for a final lunch and market crawl with the sweet grandmas from New Zealand. Tummy full, thousands of photos, head spinning, I ubered to the airport to begin the fun of traveling back to Hong Kong. What a once in a lifetime trip – seeing things I’ve heard about since childhood, that seemed so fantastical as to not be real, and then to find they were real. The sheer size of the rocks that make up the pyramids. The knowledge and customs of the historical past, and the tension of the glory of what Egypt once was with the reality of the situation today. The colors inside the tombs, still so vivid today. The FOOD. The things we lost in the library of Alexandria. The legends. Donkeys and camels.  

Pour one out for the historical homies. Shukran, Egypt.

So, why don’t mummies take vacations?

They’re afraid to relax and unwind.