yar de har har. This be the best, the ultimate, the only necessary collection o’ pirate jokes, original or no. I scoured the raging internets to find these for ye. Respect them well.


A stereotypical caricature of a pirate.

What size clothing does a pirate wear?


How do pirates talk to each other?

Aye to aye.

Why can’t pirates play cards?

Because someone is always standing on the deck.

What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?

A rookie.

What’s a pirate’s favorite fish?

A GOLDfish.

How does a pirate get rid of unwanted treasure?

A YARRRRd sale.

What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of exercise?


How do you save a dying pirate?


What do you call a pirate with three eyes?

A piiirate.

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