When last telling the tale of my whirlwind trip to Beijing on one of my final weekends in Hong Kong, I had left my own self in the uncertainty of a post-Chinese-pharmacy trip. If you haven’t read the blog about going to China, you like, definitely should. But if you won’t, the key thing to know is that I was there for 72 hours, and in classic Rachel travel fashion, got violently ill, in a country with little to no English, with no cash, and bank cards that didn’t work, a faulty SIM card, wandering one of the busiest cities in the world during a monumental heat wave that was actually killing locals, and I was alone. So very alone.

All I wanted was to lay in the dark, but I had paid good money for Day 2 of our tour, and it was going to fulfil oh-so-many dreams – a trip to the Great Wall! Of China! That you can see from the moon and also in “Mulan” and is important for various other reasons like history and culture and the achievements of mankinds, etc! So I was going to fight by hook or by crook, and other sayings, to make it there. However, finding myself feverish, sweaty, phlegmy, delirious and in an actual heat wave, did not bode well. 

I used the hostel wifi to map a trip to something labeled “pharmacy,” and there found a mother-daughter team running the shop. They were huddled over a phone, playing a loud game of Animal Crossing, but I managed to get their attention and tried to mime my problems. They were:

  1. Fever, cold and flu like symptoms 
  2. Had forgotten deodorant and it was a million degrees and I was trying to look cute in pictures
  3. Had no cash, thanks for nothing, HSBC
  4. generally a big wimp when sick
my rabbit pellets

We were able to use some translating apps, and there was much mime-ing on my part, and they piled together several boxes and gave rapid-fire directions to me (all in Chinese, of course) but promised (I think?) it would help.

I stumbled to the corner McDonalds, where I could order from a screen, pay, and have my meal delivered to a table with almost no human interaction, and got a Happy Meal. I swear I eat more McDonalds while traveling than I ever do in the States. Something quite comforting is that all the ground up pieces of whole chicken are fried into the same nugget shape around the world. Ketchup and soda are inconsistent, country to country, but interesting to try.

Upon returning to hostel, I took another messy wet shower (most Asian bathrooms have no separation between shower and toilet and sink space), but this time too sick to remember to tuck away the toilet paper roll, which ruined it, and I had to have a small cry. My constantly runny nose had been counting on that paper.

Dehydrated of tears, I climbed into bed to figure out what I’d actually purchased for my cold/flu symptoms, intense need for deodorant, and general malaise. Google translate and a visit to the front desk to confirm revealed I had bought whitening peppermint foot spray (I sh*t you not), and something that looked like rabbit pellets I was meant to take with water, with the main ingredient being a kind of pepper. 

I sprayed the peppermint bleaching mixture into my armpits (it did nothing to stop me from sweating or smelling, apologies, Beijing) and onto my feet for good measure, and then poured the pellets into a bottle of water and tried to drink it. They didn’t dissolve like I expected, but nothing else was going my way, either, so. It was horrific and bitter, but my only option. And then I tried to sleep for the early pick-up for the Great Wall, which was basically the whole point of my trip.

thanks, nicky.

The next morning, I was pretty much a troll. Every movement came with a big eyeroll and groan. My Chinese guide, Nicky, ever helpful, thought patting me on the belly was the nicest thing, and called me “aw, big baby so sad,” and had brought me some local pork stew dumpling and some bean curd paste wrap to try that morning. And warm milk from KFC. I was unable. 

Moaning and sweating, I sprawled into the van and we began the drive to the part of the Wall we could visit. There was traffic, it was swervy, I was a wreck. All kinds of great. During the drive, I tried to explain how sick I was, and showed the guide my medications and explained the recommendations from the quote on quote pharmacist. Nicky looked it over and promptly declared I had been scammed. And also the rabbit pellets were meant to be swallowed like pills, not to dissolve in water. Hence the bad taste.

Then we arrived and Nicky hustled us out of the van. The situation is that you get dropped off, then walk through about an hour of tourist shops and snack stations, then buy gondola tickets, then walk more uphill, and THEN you are on the Great Wall. Depending on how you’ve arranged it all, you have two plus hours there. 

this photo best encapsulates the sheer range of abilities and tourists visiting the Wall. i’m inspired by both.

I should have assumed this, but it’s actually quite a physical feat to get between each tower. The total length of the Great Wall is 21196.18 km and it took over 2,000 years to make this structure. It’s so long that it would actually take 18 months to walk from the beginning to the end. It’s massive.

We start walking closer and I want to take a picture and realize that – in my feverish haze – I’ve left my phone in the van. Which is now parked somewhere over an hour away. I immediately burst into tears that cannot be controlled. I do have a disposable camera with me, but this is obviously not the same. I’m sick, I’m tired, I’m over-excited.

And so not so quietly I lose my mind.

Luckily, the gods smiled on me, and Lauren, the only other person on the tour, actually had a second phone, because of business. She ever-so-kindly (and probably to avoid more public meltdowns from me – Chinese are notorioiusly anti-public-emotions, and we were getting a lot of stares) volunteered to let me use it.

Sniveling but appeased, I sprinted with Lauren and Nicki up the hill as best as I was able, elbowing old women out of the way to get into the gondola and begin the majestic ascent up to the fortress, too sick to register how much I hate gondolas. Up at the top, Nicky gave a few instructions, and then we were left alone to wander and wonder. 

The thing is, at a true Wonder of the World, you do just wonder. I was, simply put, speechless. This was partly due to the large amounts of phlegm in my throat, my fever, and inability to communicate with anyone at all. But largely because it was just so cool. The Wall is an incredible feat of mankind. The mountains it’s built on are SO tall, you can’t begin to imagine how mere men and animals (and slaves and lots of people just dying all the time under threat and abuse) managed to make it. 

The views are incredible – it snakes across the crests off into the far distance, impossible to know where it ends. The forts are bare bones – tiny windows, reeking of centuries of urine (and indeed, I saw men peeing in corners at all three I visited) and feces and sweat and take-out that local families bring, and are maybe 20 minutes walk between, forcing you to imagine how lonely and cold the night watches must have been. 

please observe the absolutely amazing chinese sun protection coming up behind me. that was the point of this photo. also – Wall.

As I walked between the fort posts, I was bothered by how many people were monopolizing great view spots for their instagram shoots that a thousand people have already done (literally witnessed a Spanish teenager scream and cry at her middle-aged mom for not getting the exact shot she wanted, because people kept daring to wander in! To a huge tourist spot!). There were also a ton of people watching K-dramas on their phones, playing games, just taking up space in the very limited shade in the forts, during this massive heatwave. And leaving their trash everywhere. 

LETS GET DOWN TO BUSINESS – to DEFEAT – the HUNS

But perhaps I was just as bad in my feverish delirium, singing the soundtrack to “Mulan” and taking sweaty selfies with a borrowed phone, resisting all the nosiness in me to not look at any of her text messages.

After a few hours, I made it back down from the wall, super dehydrated and woozy, the fever not helping how much I just generally don’t like heights and gondolas. Especially when it’s hot as blazes and you’re sharing a small space with a boisterous Chinese family that thinks rocking the gondola is the height of fun.

For a lovely treat after, we had a Peking Duck lunch, which deserves all the notoriety, because it is effing delicious. Lauren and I split some random local beer, she airdropped all my photos and videos from her phone onto mine, and then back in the van, I completely passed out for the duration of the Beijing traffic, only feeling my ankle and tummy occasionally patted by our tour guide and driver. 

I had booked my return flight for Monday at 5pm, thinking that would give me more time to explore on my own after the two jam-packed tour days. But I was so sick that I actually paid for a late check-out, watched Disney movies on my phone (yes, of course, “Mulan”), and sipped tea forever until it was time to go. 

Overall, I’m sad this was my only trip to China whilst I lived in Hk, but man, the memories are cold-medicine-fog solid. There is still so much more to see . . . so I will manifest a way.

Until then – China, you are wild. And I love you.