I remember my great grandma talking about spiders in the South that were the size of dinner plates. i woud laugh at her exaggeration. I am not laughing now.
Last night, while tucking my mosquito net in around my bed to go to sleep, I noticed a large black dot in the corner. A large black dot with large black legs. This happens to those of us that wear glasses at night; we see things not as clear and then we adjust the frames and step back and scream. Imagine a “black dot” that has a head the size of a quarter, a body the size of a plum. Imagine legs attached to the dot, that when spread, would cover the monitor of this computer. Imagine this NEXT TO YOUR BED.
I contemplated throwing a shoe or book at it, but then realized if I did, the spider would then have a weapon.
Instead, in an unexpected moment of calm, I decided to pop a xanax (thank you Aunt Carol, eternally grateful) turn off the light, turn on my ipod, and sleep through it. I prayed that spidey didnt like people, and prefered to eat cucarachas, instead of small children, since it was big enough to swallow toddlers whole. I also prayed it wouldn’t eat my gecko Peekaboo, because I had grown so fond of him.
Of course, when I woke this morning, Spidey was gone.
Over breakfast i told my Mama about Spidey. Instead of calming my fears, she told me story after story about bugs they have that are bigger. Then I showed her the picture of the Spidey, and she freaked out even more, telling me it was a horse-killer spider, which means it was venomous enough to kill horses, and I should have woken her up at night to kill it before it killed me! She promised to do a thorough search of my room and destroy it before I returned home from school.
Meanwhile my seven year old hermano snuck up behind me every few minutes to tickle my neck.
I went to school, and to add to the story, lets just say its “that” time of the month, and there might be worse places in the world to pass through that time than a slum in Guatemala, where your “bathroom” is a cement block over a well full of years of bowel moments, or where you shower by pouring buckets over your head, or where when it rains, animal feces flood past your front porch down to the lake you spend most your afternoons in…..but i cant think of any.
Keeping that fragile feminine emotional state in mind, you can imagine the tears welling up in my eyes as i told the spider story to my maestra, and she told me that contrary to what my mama had said, spiders like that DO like to climb all over you in your sleep. You can then imagine said tears falling, and me losing my ish on my poor Guatemalan teacher, over a SPIDER.
Anyway, I came home, and Mama Nelia had killed it. It resembles an evil Pixar creature. And it was much more impressive in real life, I assure you. Here is another bug we have encountered, a Rhino beetle that was in Natasha’s room. The children here catch them and put leashes on them to keep as pets, I kid you not.