* Parée's Bucket List *
a list of bucket-like proportions.

You’re familiar with the concept of the bucket list – the list of goals or dreams, serious or frivolous, you wish to accomplish before you “kick the bucket.” I myself have a “thirtyx30” list of things I’d like to get done by 30 years old, and have been steadily working my way towards the end. Turning 30 being the end of my life.

I went to coffee with a dear friend (and amazing supporter of dreams and I fully believe everyone should have a Jess Seghers in their lives!) who revealed she had an “Anti-Bucket List.”

“a whuuut?” I said.          “A list of things I will never do,” she replied.

Examples:

  • I will never go on a cruise. Don’t put me on a boat with 2,000 strangers and call it a “vacation.”
  • I will never go to North Korea.
  • I will never bungee jump.

Brilliant. A list of things that I just never have to do. The problem is, people don’t judge you for your benign and dreamy bucket lists (mine include things like traveling, wine tasting, making lasagna from scratch, blah blah boring), but when I started forming my Anti-Bucket List, I realized some of these might require a little explanation. Otherwise you will all hate me.

So here we go.

My Anti-Bucket List

  • i like the giants. i really, REALLY like the Giants.
    i like the giants. i really, REALLY like the Giants.

    I will never own a bird or date someone who owns birds. I think they are Satan’s messengers. I hate birds.

  • I will never root for the Dodgers, Yankees, Stanford, or USC. In a perfect world, the Dodgers would play the Yankees in the World Series and the Giants would win.
  • I will never go skydiving . My readers know that flying is scary enough for me. Why anyone would pay to practice dying is beyond me.
  • I will never go on a submarine. I have a lot of questions about how they work, and will read a book about it, but you can’t make me go on one!
  • this is a bit more my style...
    this is a bit more my style…running looks hard.

    I will never run a marathon. I just don’t think my body was built to do it – I’m built for comfort, not for speed. I’m also not sure why our culture suddenly thinks that people are heroes if they run a marathon. That if those with  “26.2” stickers on the backs of cars are somehow better than the rest of you, are more charitable, and know the true meaning of life. I can be great at life from my couch. I can also raise money without running. The amount of time it would take me to compose a perfect playlist for the marathon makes this not even worth the trouble.

  • I will never donate blood. I have a raging fear of needles that I just can’t get over. For the sake of the people working those donation stations, I just can’t do it. This doesn’t make me a bad person. I just can’t and won’t do it.
  • I will never run for political office. For starters, I had way too much fun in college to ever make it past preliminaries. I don’t need anyone combing through facebook to prove that to my constituents. Secondly, despite being heavily involved in student governments during my academic career, and marching in DC, Sacramento, LA, Berkeley, etc. for various causes, I’m starting to think government is more and more useless. I know. It’s terrible to think that. But power changes people, dreams die, and it’s really hard to find the good guys in our sprawling mess of politics.
  • i need beach.
    i need beach.

    I will never live in a land-locked state. Living in California has probably spoiled me for life, but I just can’t imagine living out of driving distance of the ocean. I need at least a lake. Lake. Big Lake.

  • I will never pay money to see a scary movie. As I get older, I’ve gotten pickier about what I will read and watch. I just don’t see the sense in participating in something designed to give me nightmares, when I’m naturally a person who can’t sleep if she thinks she’s seen a spider somewhere near.
  • I will never write a YA fiction involving vampires and/or zombies.  I would do almost anything to get a book deal, buuuut I’m drawing the line here. :)

Let the record state – this list doesn’t mean I think bird owners who run marathons, donate blood, work in government, and sky-dive their way to scary movies in Kansas theaters are bad people. They’re just not me. And I think that’s okay. I feel freedom in declaring things I don’t want to do, will not be pressured into doing, and I like the limits I have publicly set.

So, what about you? What are things you will just never do?

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