A general rule in life is: never, ever, never never ever read the comments.
Of course, that is exactly what I do. And this last piece, less of a story and more like stream of consciousness regarding a breakup, garnered (surprisingly) some hateful comments. It’s amazing to me how much people can hate a total stranger that has absolutely nothing to do with them. And it’s hard to not want to defend myself to every single one of them.
I hated that people were accusing me of “following a man” and “losing my identity in a man.” That I should have known I was doing something stupid. As if no one ever takes a chance in their life, and we always only make choices because we know the outcome. I’ve said it this whole time I’ve been here: I do not regret this choice.
I was with someone I wanted to be with, and I was ready to leave where I was, and I wanted an adventure. I got to combine all three of those things.
It didn’t work out as planned. Lots of parts of our lives don’t.
But I do NOT regret this choice. About this choice, I am disco chicken.
Had I not come, had I stayed home, had we broken up then, had I not taken this chance….regret of the undone, the unlived life would gnaw at me forever. Because out of all the things I regret about my past, few come from things I wish I hadn’t done – my regrets are things I had a chance at, but didn’t follow through. My regrets are the result of inaction.
I should have jumped off the waterfall in Guatemala, instead of being too scared and climbing up the rocks the way we had come. I should have gone on stage and danced or sang every time someone asked me to. I should have auditioned for plays and musicals in college instead of giving up something I truly truly enjoyed.
I should have worked less in college, and taken more weekend trips, learned new things like wakeboarding, instead of being afraid of being seen in a bikini, and thinking that a tiny bit more money would have changed anything about the tens of thousands of dollars I still owe today.
I regret every night I ever stayed in instead of going out with friends because I felt fat and they were thin and pretty. I regret not trying harder to mend friendships that I let slip away. I regret not letting people know how much they meant to me, and now they are gone.
I regret a million times I haven’t stood up for myself. I regret times I really needed help and didn’t ask for it.
But I generally don’t regret things I have done. I don’t call this move out here, or the relationship a mistake. A mistake is something you do, that you wish you hadn’t, because you cannot learn from it and it doesn’t make you a better person.
But this move out here has taught me immeasurable things. I have had adventures that no one can ever take away from me. I drove across the country with my mom, I’ve camped in the Blue Ridge mountains in the fall, I’ve learned an entire different culture and society of the United States, and eaten more biscuits than was probably good for me.
I have reconnected with friends, some I haven’t seen in 15 years, simply because I happened to be here. I’ve spent more time with my dad than I have in the last ten years. I’ve chased dolphins along the coast of the Atlantic and have hiked countless miles alone in the mountains of North Carolina. I’ve overcome a fear of being alone – even spending Christmas Day completely by myself (unless you count the ever-present biscuits).
And the relationship, although over, taught me a lot about what I need and what I can give. About communication, compromise, and how to make tough choices. I have learned more about me than I ever could, had I always remained at home where all my friends and family are.
Because of all this, I know I could move anywhere alone, travel anywhere alone, and not be lonely. That I can get through hard things (although this has not been the most difficult time in my life, if we can measure those times, if we can quantify those times).

I didn’t “chase a man” when I came out here. I wasn’t chasing anything. I was following my heart. I still have my heart, but now I think it beats for a stronger, truer, freer version of me. And when the next chance comes around at love, or a move, or an opportunity I never planned for, I feel like I will now be more than ready. I’ll be excited.
Vivir con miedo, es como vivir a medias.
January 24, 2014 at 2:38 pm
Hi. You’ll probably never read this but I love your blog. Haters hate, that’s what they do. You will have an amazing life, don’t worry about that. A couple of fellow English Firefighters and I drove a UK fire engine across the USA and stopped in N Carolina along the way. Loved it. Life should be an adventure and I look forward to reading about yours. x
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January 24, 2014 at 2:45 pm
JAMES. You’re a British firefighter?! You’re like my wet dream come back. :)
Thank you for commenting, Thank you for loving my silly blog. I don’t know how you’ve stumbled across this, but thank you. :)
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January 24, 2014 at 3:35 pm
You are a brave young woman…for sharing your story, making your choices. Don’t let the haters bring you down.
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March 11, 2014 at 11:16 pm
WHERE WAS I WHEN YOU COMMENTED.
thank you. i love your blog, and by extension your you, and your thoughts. i appreciate it. :)
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January 24, 2014 at 4:04 pm
“A life lived in fear is a life half-lived.” So true and one of the best quotes from “Strictly Ballroom”.. Okay, so NC didn’t work out for you, but I’m thinking you would have been wondering “what if…?” if you hadn’t tried the move.
Sorry about the HuffPost comments. Getting stuff like that stings, I know. *hands over the chocolate*
Wishing you well in whatever you do next.
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March 11, 2014 at 11:17 pm
strictly is like my fav movie!! :) we are soul mates, do you know that? lets hang out in this life sometime, i hope! :)
xoxo
thanks for always reading. always commenting. it truly means so much.
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March 12, 2014 at 7:40 am
You’re welcome. “Strictly Ballroom” has so many good moments, I can’t decide which is my favorite:
1) Scott sliding onto the dance floor in the final scene
2) Fran’s joy when Scott says they’re ready to audition
3) Scott’s old partner sticking up for him by plugging in the cord to turn the music back on
4) Backstage dance scene “Perhaps”
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January 24, 2014 at 6:06 pm
Erik moved to Michigan to get to know a woman better. In 3 months, it was over. He stayed a while, came home and met Kristin. The rest is history. BTW…I actually have done some things I regret. Maybe it’s the seven decades of life I’ve lived.
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January 24, 2014 at 8:15 pm
“A general rule in life is: never, ever, never never ever read the comments.” Most of the time, the comments are better than the article. Live a little. Always read the comments, at least a few.
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January 24, 2014 at 8:32 pm
Did you read beyond that line? I always read the comments. Every single one. And respond to most. But I hardly find “this is stupid” more enlightening than an article.
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January 24, 2014 at 10:32 pm
I have done this twice (I’m in my late 30’s now) I don’t regret it I got to see parts of the country I have never seen. Travelling for whatever reason is refreshing to the soul.
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March 11, 2014 at 11:18 pm
exactly! adventure is out there! :) for the brave only, it would seem. :)
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January 25, 2014 at 5:18 pm
Bravo for you. Those who rant at you on the internet are really chicken*#it. Can’t wait for you to get home. Party!
Sent from my iPhone
>
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February 21, 2014 at 12:25 pm
Hey lady! I have followed your blog since I read something you had written on Huffington Post last fall about not moving in with your (then) boyfriend. I found it refreshing and continue to enjoy your posts. At the time, I was also recently out of a relationship due to similar circumstances – relocating for my boyfriend only to break-up shortly after but sticking around for employment, etc.
I appreciate your truth and willingness to share because the things you write are completely relate-able and fun to read.
Love and light.
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February 22, 2014 at 11:50 am
Thank you so much!! I have found through emails and comments like these that I’m not so alone as I thought in the experience. :) I hope yours turned out well!! Thanks for following!!!
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March 11, 2014 at 12:49 am
Did I ever reply to you?! I can’t remember! I know I thought about it! :)
Thank you so much. I really appreciate YOUR reaching out to say something! I hope you keep reading!
xo
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