Valentines Day I spent as any self-respecting single woman does – drinking wine and making out with a loaf of bread and cheese. I bought myself a balloon, but it broke, which seemed a little mean. And I texted my best friends, and we all decided the best relationships we’d ever had were with each other, so that was fun. I also sent a lot of selfies to one of my newest friends…his selfie game is really strong. He claims he can take them in his sleep. So I tried to step up my game but I’m not that great. So then it escalated to “here is my nostril.”
I made this beautiful pull-apart cheesy bread, and finished it by myself. There is something both terrifying and impressive in that. I kind of want to high five my stomach. It was the only thing I ate all day, so it was worth it.
I thought the cat might be nicer to me, given the circumstances. But he was decidedly not nice.
Yesterday I read 700 pages and went on a long walk in my neighborhood. I love my hood. All the houses are big and beautiful, and there is snow everywhere. I crunched all over new snow. There is a lot of runoff in the ditches, so I’ve been trying to learn how to make a paper boat so I can do boat races. Against myself. Because no one hangs out with me. But at least then I know I will win. If I ever master the art of paper boats.
I’m just actively resisting adulthood on all fronts.
Later on my walk a Jerry Seinfeld routine came up on my iPod, and I became that crazy lady who walks around your neighborhood in a lot of mismatched bright clothing, every once in a while bending over double in laughter, or stopping to take pictures of storm drains and imagining my life as a fairy.
Does this ever happen to you – a song came on my iPod, and I looked down and realized I had not given it a five star rating, and I was like “Rachel, what are you even doing with your life?” The song was “Quit Playing Games with My Heart,” which is clearly five stars, and has been on my iPod since the dawn of music. I was disappointed in myself. Then “That Girl is Poison” came on, and I was singing it out loud, and then realized “THIS SONG IS ACTUALLY TERRIBLE.” I used to realize that a lot about songs when I would hear my junior highers singing the lyrics and all of a sudden your skin would crawl with how many inappropriate things they were (hopefully) oblivious to.
Also, I have seen this, and I will never be the same: