My church is starting a 21 day fast. Which I don’t like, because first of all, I’ve never in my life related to the word “fast” as this body was built for comfort and not for speed. I’d rather do a “slow.” Secondly because food is great and thirdly because being a teacher, you just don’t want low blood sugar because it makes you cranky and there’s already enough going on.
I missed the initial announcement – in the time travel getting from California back to Hong Kong, a casual million hour flight up around Alaska, down the coast of Japan, and back into chaos, I missed the entire day of Thursday, thereby missing Sunday service because I thought it was Saturday. Jet lag is a wild thing.
Anyway, I missed the directions, and have never been great at following any, so I’m hoping I can decide what I want to slow from. Yes. I am doing a 21 Day Slow.
I’ve decided on several things to slow from, knowing that if I cast my net wide, I will probably succeed with one. And they are, drumroll please: Sweets, facebook**, twitter, tumblr, and Candy Crush.
I have never typed a sentence so reluctantly in my life.
But I went ahead and deleted the apps on my phone. I even took my sweets to work last week to dispose of in the faculty room (teachers, much like wild dogs, will eat just about anything because our lunch breaks are so short we are just settling for calories). And I’ve only thought wistfully of all the progress I’ll lose on Candy Crush, oh, every hour or so since noon.
The thing is, I’ve been in a lot of weird head and heart spaces lately about this one great and glorious life I get to live, and I don’t think that mindlessly scrolling through a lot of photos of people getting engaged or celebrating Christmas and New Years with their cute spouses and kids has been helping me. Tumblr makes me giggle and I can anonymously fangirl over the Xfiles and Star Wars and watch a lot of #rip vine compilations on there, but I don’t need it. Twitter is how I keep up with news, but I tend to get so angry and feel so helpless it spoils everything.
And sugary sweets are amazing. I’m giving those up because the rest of the church isn’t eating and I feel bad.
Already today, just a few hours in, I’ve reached for my phone several times and been surprised to not see my favorite three blue icons. “Oh yeah,” I have to remind myself. “You’re gonna have to pee with just your thoughts to entertain you. You’re gonna have to stand in line and look around at things. You’re going to realize exactly how long this MTR ride is.”
I’m hoping to accomplish a few things by doing this Slow.
I hope to be more intentional about how I keep up my relationships. I want to actually make those Skype calls, and write emails (send me your address! Let’s figure out time zones!) and check in personally, not just scroll until I see something interesting and then swan dive into that person’s life until I’ve gone down the rabbit hole so deep I’m scared my thumb will slip and I couldn’t possibly ‘like’ or comment on a photo at this point because I’m in an album from 2010 cruise to Mexico and wow so creepy.
I hope to spend more time reading and writing. I’ve been trying to finish the Lord of the Rings for ages and I still haven’t finished blogging about my Japan 2017 trip. I’m rereading the Bible for the second time, this time chronologically. It’s taking forever because I’m sorry, God, but the Old Testament is draaaaagging. A girl can only read about men begatting other men and kings messing things up for so long. But maybe if I take away flashy social media, the scandals of the first century will seem a bit sexier. I mean I’ll read more and get more spiritual.
I have a lot of things in my Netflix queue and it weighs on me. So I shall try to accomplish some pop culturing.
I hope to sleep a bit more. When setting my morning alarm, I have to factor in the time I spend checking news websites and notifications unnecessarily before I even get out of bed. Lets stop that.
I’m in a serious relationship, one that requires time and commitment. Yeah. I’m dating my guitar. It was a long five months without her. If you have ideas for songs I should learn, send ‘em my way. Currently wailing along to the new Sam Smith every night, much to my neighbors’ delight, I am sure.
Lastly, and most importantly, I hope to get over some fears. Fears that have been difficult to articulate but I’m finally figuring out:
I want to get over my fear of missing out. Get over my fear of not being included. My fear that people won’t remember me or think of me. The fear that my life is meaningless if I’m not posting cool photos with a flattering filter and clever captions. The fear that boredom is a bad thing. The fear of silence and of my own thoughts if I’m not constantly distracting myself.
I think a lot of people have these fears. I know they have been hard for be to verbalize. Even harder to admit. I am scared to admit I am scared! But I also know that if I am scared, if I have a fear, it’s important to face.
I’m more scared to realize I have a fear and do nothing about it. So we will see how this goes.
If you haven’t heard it yet today and you need to…happy birthday (if your birthday is in the next three weeks). (I will not remember because i will not facebook). (sorry bro).
If you haven’t heard it yet today and you need to…a pirate’s favorite exercise is the plank.
**I will still have the messenger app, as that is how I communicate with a lot of people around the world.
***I predict I am going to go HAM on my instagram.