Whoever this new me is got up and went to a gym class this Sunday morning. Halfway through, the banana and coffee I had slammed down earlier tried to make a second appearance, but I nervous giggled through it and did not barf. Mean trainer will NOT see any weakness. I smile so hard it hurts whenever she comes by. Awkward when you’re doing hip thrusts.
The thing about getting up earlier on a Sunday is that it adds SO much more day into your day. I just keep being productive? It’s weird. Has there always been this time on a weekend?
I went down to our main street for a local Chinese New Year festival, which I’d seen advertised on Facebook and thought hey that looks cute. Unfortunately, when I wandered down, thinking I was meeting some friends, they all bailed. But I was determined to enjoy it anyway. I walked around a bit and it wasn’t much. They wouldn’t let me make a lantern because I’m an adult child but not technically a child child, which is who the arts and crafts were apparently for.
Probably the awkward moment of the day went to the old Chinese guy yelling at one of the anti-shark finning activists about how stupid she was, loudly, while a bunch of kids from a local music studio were trying to hold their violin recital right next to them. The faire itself I think was sponsored by the anti-shark fin group, and they had little kids dressed in sharks running around asking for money. A shark-costume enthusiast myself, I loved it.
My roomie is going to Mongolia tomorrow. Mongolia! I’ve always wanted to go there. I am not sure where I first got the idea, but it’s been there. I’m putting it on the list for next summer. This summer I’m just looking forward to being at home with the dogs and shopping at Target. And Mexican food. And like, also all the people I will see. But not going home for Christmas this year (because I went to Thailand, Cambodia, and Vietnam. Don’t feel sorry for me. I sure don’t.) really made me miss it. 132 days to go! And 23 more days of blogging daily . . . I’m going to need to make some fun things happen if I’m going to keep this up . . . hm.
Feb 18 – Day Eight
Wrote the Thailand blog! Finally! Not being let on our flight, Koh Samui times, Leslie’s wedding, and sunset adventures.
Feb 19 – Day Nine – Happy Birthday Aunt Carol!
So I’ve been spending a significant amount of time at the gym lately, and am going to write the post the world needs, called “WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE AT THE GYM”
I’m going to my bootcamps, but I also belong to a super cheap, 24 hour, no one is at the front desk, you could probably live there if you wanted to type of gym. Which, in Hong Kong, with current rental prices, is actually one of the best ideas I’ve had in a long time.
I need the gym. I need long, useless hours of low-impact cardio so I can listen to the same songs I’ve listened to for years, and let my brain detox. There hardly ever seems to be anyone at this gym ever, except when I’m feeling particularly low and just need to grind it out on the elliptical for an hour until nothing hurts anymore, and then the following people show up and honestly they need to go anywhere else:
- Guy who wants you to know he’s working really hard so he grunts at everything.
- Guy who sweats profusely, sometimes shaking sweat on me on the neighboring equipment. Never wipes down equipment.
- Guy who has maybe never taken a shower. Always seems to want to do overhand movements around me.
- Old guy who sits on the recliner bike for three hours watching something on his phone. Wheel rotates once every five minutes.
- Old Asian lady who works out in jeans and inappropriate shoewear, pumps arms vigorously while walking on the treadmill. I like you.
- Guy who is doing tabata exercises, and has his phone set to beep every twenty seconds at maximum volume for the entire duration of his 45 minute workout.
- Young girl dressed in super cute Lululemon athleisurewear, slowly rotating through the elliptical, scrolling through instagram the whole time.
- Guy conducting business call loudly on bluetooth earbuds while also running hard on treadmill.
- Guy running SO HARD on the treadmill that it thumps over the music on the speakers. Running so hard he often has to prop himself up by the arms and tip toe for a few seconds to catch his breath. Just slow down, buddy!
- Girl who parks a yoga mat in the middle of the free weights/stretching area, and proceeds to lay back and check her phone for an hour (this is sometimes me).
- Girl who thought it would be a good idea to watch “This Is Us” while working out and is now crying on the treadmill (this is sometimes me).
- Girl judging everyone (always me).
Feb 20 – Day Ten
I’m starting a new business. It’s going to combine some of my passions and talents and really help those in need. I hope I can get your support in this.
I’m going to start helping men with their online dating accounts.
I know, I know. You don’t have to thank me. Not all heroes wear capes. Some of us are drinking tea and wearing “the future is female” sweatshirts and if our eyes rolled back any harder at some of the dating profiles we’re scrolling through, we’d end up with a permanent medical condition.
But honestly, the men need the help! I’ve been on several apps – Tinder, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, eHarmony, Match, OKCupid, etc., and men are pretty useless at the good profiles. Here are just a few of the quick tips I want to share, for the good of all:
- Your profile pictures need to be pictures of you. Not a car, a sunset, a weird food item. Not you and twelve mates that are covered with emoji faces. Not you and a child, unless you mention clearly if the child is yours or not. Take a selfie. Ask someone who loves you to help you take a nice shot one day doing something interesting. Just please. Be normal.
- Also, pictures with other girls who are not obviously your mom or grandma are a bad idea. Why do I have to tell you this.
- But keep all the puppy pictures. Those really work.
- “Putting my height here because girls seem to really care about that” needs to stop.
- If I’m that interested, I will start the conversation after we match, but I generally expect the guy to say something first. And here’s a hint – go beyond “Hey Cutie” and ask some actual questions. Look at our profiles – we usually put stuff on there that invites a question about a hobby or interest. Bounce off of that.
- On that note, put something in your profile that we can use to strike up a convo. If all you have is your height and some flag emojis telling me the directions you’ve been traveling in recently, I don’t have a ton to go on.
I could write way more, but my head is now spinning with the idea of how far I could take this. This could be an actual job. Dating Profile Coaching. And I could even meet with them and coach them on planning a first date, conversation topics to rely on and ones to avoid, having a few key funny and relatable stories to tell. This is peak 2019 career moves.
Dating is the worst. But. At least it is entertaining. I have another first date Friday night. In my next life I would like no more first dates ever, but as some very wise people keep reminding me, eventually it will be my last first date. So I guess I will enjoy the nausea and nervous giggles and complaining I have nothing to wear while I can.
Wish me luck. :)