I’ve had this blog for 7 months, 26 days…..I’ve written 150 posts this year, with an average of 600 words per post. If my math is right, which it probably isn’t, that’s about 90,000 words. I wonder how many Giants games/brownies/glasses of wine have sponsored this blog? I should start keeping those stats. Actually that might be scary.

I’ve had about 32,000 hits at this point, and while I’d like to think that it was mostly my best friends and family reading and caring about my thoughts, its come to my attention that my main audience is total strangers.

How do I know this? Well, here on wordpress.com, wherest I blog, there is this cool feature call “site stats,” which basically tracks what blogs get read the most, how many times they were read, and how people arrived at said blog. Don’t worry, any cyber-stalkers out there; it can’t reveal who is reading any blog. Your stalk-y habits are safe.

hello, handsome!

What I have found in these awesome awesome stats, are the google-esque searches that direct the general public to my blog. I again have to tip my hat to Brian Wilson, my lover, because most of my site views come from people searching for information about him. For example, in the last seven days, over 2,000 people have arrived at my blog by searching for information about Brian Wilson’s tattoos, Brian Wilson being DL’ed, how to touch Brian Wilson’s beard, or his catch phrases. That’s just the last week.

There have also been searches for “catfights in Asia,” “the scary fish in Finding Nemo,” (I talk about that fish a lot) “rainbow chip frosting.” Clearly my blog knows its writer…?

Some of my weirdest searches for the last week are:

  • “I drink to make you look good”
  • “why does kim kardashian’s butt look so weird?”
  • “best beer to buy at the Giants game”
  • “sexy farting girl”
  • “guy using ipod in train”
  • “stuff to pray about”
  • “my two year old has a fever and pimples under her tongue”
oh kimmy. your shoes failed me.

What’s so great about these searches, is that nowhere in the 90,000 words that I have written in 2011 have any of these search phrases directly appeared in my writing. I did buy and blog about Shape-up sketchers, pondering if my rear end could ever morph itself into the small planet that is Kim’s bottom, so that’s legit. And I admit that I fart, and I would love to be thought of as “sexy,” but nowhere have I directly written the phrase “sexy farting girl.” I indeed love beer, and drinking at Giants’ games, but I’m not imbibing to try and make anyone look good, nor do I compare brews during baseball.

And I definitely do NOT have a 2 year old with tongue zits. But you should really get that checked out, reader.
I think I’ll make an all-time weirdest google searches for my blog later this weekend. Because some totally make me lolrofllmao pqrstuvxyz etc.
Just browsing, besides the ones I’ve listed, I’ve found these gems:
i took this pic.
  • “black male angel” (um….okaaaaay….?)
  • “yeti carrying girl over shoulder”    (here’s Sasquatch for you, buddy. I admit I talk about yetis and Bigfoot a lot. I find his legend fascinating.)
  • “yellow toe pus” (okay…you’ve all seen the toe….this is probably a legit google search.)
  • “sad woman eating ice cream on couch in sweatpants” (Really, google? Do you have a videocamera in my living room, because that is just cruel.)
I’m thankful for the hits, but a little uncomfortable with the path that has led some readers here….hmm…
Anyway, I would love some more subscribers! They make my day. If you read this blog a lot anyway, might as well get it delivered hot and fresh to your email inbox, and read it right on your iPhone :)
You can sign up by clicking on “I’d like a dose of danger daily” button on the top right hand side. I’ll send you a Yeti with a pussing yellow toe and a sexy farting girl thrown over his shoulder if you don’t.