where did you come from?

Who invented the Google machine? Why “google” ? It has become a noun, a verb, a living breathing thing. It is our map, dictionary, phone book, film critic, encyclopedia, newspaper. I think it’s making America fat. And obviously it’s in the 1%.

Google searches are the number one way that people arrive on my blog. I’ve done a previous entry on the weird searches that led people to my blogstep, and after perusing some of the terms that pop up, thought it was high time we had another session of self-examination.

Things people doth Google and arriveth at my Blog:

1. Brian Wilson – Obviously I am somewhat of an expert on all things BWils. People send me messages or Facebook friend or Twitter friend me because love of Brian has brought us together. What I don’t like so much are the psycho 14 year old girls who leave me messages challenging my authority. (Giana – I’m talking to YOU.)

2. Joe Lando – I do have a thing for the hunky white-man-raised-by-Indians.

3. The Notebook – One of my all-time favorite blogs describes the emotional and psychological destruction that occurs to the mind of a female after watching the beauty that is Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.

4. Moonshiners – these are my Tennessee hill billy roots coming through, I guess….

note: chin quiver

5. Running Late – um….I feel a little called out with this one. I do freely admit to not being the most punctual person I know….as I always say, “on time is early for me!”

6. Crying Girl – again…..what the heck. I don’t cry that much. While you’re looking. I just rather enjoy a good cry.

7. Long lines – this is something pretty relevant in my life, as I find I am always standing in the longest one possible. Traffic, Target, Disneyland, DMV, Safeway, etc. I have a special power for long lines.

And now the seriously weird ones that have popped up lately…I have never even mentioned or come close to mentioning some of these….

  • ewok underwear – um…weird. but i kinda want some if it exists!
  • does anyone else think simba is hot? – well, yes, yes i DO!
  • terrible roommates
  • cross-eyed men – yeah…i totally have a thing for them.
  • toilet seat purpose? – I don’t get this question…someone was confused about why we have toilet seats? how to use them?
  • 6’5” albino male with red hair and green eyes – hahaha! what?!
  • little boys peeing outside
  • david duchovny’s eyebrows
  • jesus laughing with puppies
And there were a whole host of other seriously weird searches and questions people were asking the Google, and Google led them to my blog.
Did they find the answers they were looking for? Did anyone find ewok underwear they could send a pair to me? Anyone else have a weird thing for cross-eyed guys?
When I went to my own google search bar, the last few things I searched for were:
  • how old is han solo
  • how to do the sock bun
  • how to make paper pointsettas
  • fancy fanny packs
  • why is my eye dry?
  • when will my toe nail grow back?
  • What does kale look like?
  • how many oz in a bottle of wine?
  • world record on gum chewing
  • two letter words in scrabble
We tend to think of Google as an anonymous, impersonal machine that we can ask our most intimate, burning questions to. We think Google knows all. We trust this internet box and we have become incredibly lazy in our own investigative skills. What if there is someone at the end of each Google search, laughing at the silly things I want to know about? Making fun of my stupid questions and dark fears and how I accidentally diagnose every illness as terminal?
Google knows all my secrets.
Yikes. This world is nuts.