missing2Easily the most fun I’ve had this year as a teacher was in looking over this “assignment” I created when I had a sub come in. I asked the students to create “Missing” posters for me, and with a description, where I could be found, and what to do when found. They also drew some very unflattering or mysterious pictures. I almost wet my pants.

Just when you think your students are never listening to you and are completely oblivious, they nail your personality right on the head.

Here are some of my favorites.

Description:

  • Hyper
  • likes to wear Giants stuff
  • weird but cool
  • a woman with hair that looks like a teacher
  • beautiful, smart, red-brown hair, tannish skin, wears glasses.
  • She wears big, black glasses and weird clothes.
  • A slim, (this kid knows how to get an A!) agile woman who carries bags of money with her.
  • Wears dresses and cowboys boots on the daily.

Last Seen:

  • Throwing pens at students.  (Disclaimer: I do this a lot…but never with intention to injure!)
  • Correcting papers and eating goldfish crackers.
  • In Starbucks getting a pumpkin spice latte.
  • Directing kids in carline and begging them to go home.
  • At a Giants game. (this came up a lot)
  • Trying to find sparkly unicorns for our class.
  • Eating ice cream in the morning.
  • Yesterday.

Most Likely to Be Found:

  • Eating Mac and Cheese at an art museum.
  • At AT&T park.
  • In Hawaii.
  • At a Giants game. May be undercover. Do not approach.
  • Faking a Southern accent.
  • Drinking a latte.
  • Playing volleyball at the Giants game.
  • Blessing babies.
  • Stealing goldfish crackers from children.
  • She is most likely to be found at the Giants game. She might be at the store buying Expo pens to throw at students. If not there, go to Starbucks to search. She is in the universe.

If located, please:

  • Return to Brian Wilson.
  • Return to AT&T park.
  • No reward, sorry.
  • Stand 10 feet away from her and leave her there.
  • Shoot upon sight.
  • Call her mom and her boyfriend.
  • Call Armed Forces at 911.
  • Give her jelly beans, but she may throw a pen at you if disturbed.
  • Call the school office.