the philosopher ferris bueller once said – life moves pretty fast. i can/can’t believe i’m sitting here at my parents house, puppies warming my feet, rain on the tin roof, a drink poured but no makeup and no plans, happily greeting a new year alone. 2024. we’re in the future.
my parents took a last minute flight to arizona tonight, new years eve, because my stepsister started labor. after monitoring for a few days, she actually had the baby before they boarded, a baby girl, a wonderful blessing and addition to the brood of nieces and nephews i’ve been happily collecting. we had a decadent short rib late lunch, finished a truly difficult puzzle, and then i was left on my own with the doggos, dragging them on a walk and trying to catch the last of the neighborhood christmas lights, and the way the sky casts shades of pink with the mist over the valley, and wearing one of the three (three?! how cold did i think it would be) beanies I packed for this trip.
it’s been amazing to be home for christmas, the first time since 2019 because of covid rules in hong kong. to have a real tree, eat foods that taste like christmas to me, see family on family on family, walk trails of crunchy leaves, feel cold, open presents. ‘nice’ doesn’t cover it, it’s more like ‘healing.’ the first week i was home, my sister and her family were here, so we had a beautifully full house of the magic that little kids add to christmas. i love being auntie rachie. best job i’ve ever had.
but we’re getting ahead of ourselves! lets go back to where i was still in hong kong, edging on misery and fueled by sauvignon blanc and coffee and sausage rolls . . .
december, i think, statistically, based on how i feel, is the month you’re most likely to quit your job. the last few weeks of school before the december break are always a #$%ing @$@#show. we’ve got staff parties, class parties, school parties, dress up days, musicals, rehearsals for said musicals, end of term tests to administer and then grade, reports to write that seem to get longer and longer, rooms to decorate, end of term meetings for all our special needs students to reassess, rooms to clean, presents to buy and wrap, secret santas, potlucks, faires, festivals, etc. I know parents hate it – rest assured, teachers don’t want it, either. we need to gather together, decide who’s responsible, and take them out. if you’re an international teacher, add visas, travel plans, packing, sorting out who will watch your whatever while youre gone. it’s a stresstercluck.
on top of this, it’s prime “get sick” season. on top of THAT, we were taking our very special, raised by nannies, only-children students on a two night sleepaway camp into “cold” weather (65 degrees at night) to do “challenging” athletic and team-building activities. total nightmare interspersed with moments of hilarity, and thank God for the team I work with that got me through it. I get it – these covid kids are a different breed that we as teachers are still learning how to treat. and Hong Kong parents are products of how they were raised. so that all adds up to three days of my life that were like the most potent form of birth control ever delivered. i have seen things i cant unsee.
then we had our staff christmas party, which i blessedly didn’t have to be in charge of this year due to my powers of crying and delegation. we had a secret santa, and i stand my ground that its not a great game, and this sort of proved it in a funny way. so we all have our meals and a drink, it’s a nice moment, if a bit quiet as we’re just all exhausted. i go collect my bag – inside is a beautiful plant! omgoodness! I put my whole face in it, make my friend smell it and touch it, wow what a great gift, etc. then i whip out my plant app to see what it is, and turns out IT IS TOXIC TO HUMANS. so now the evening becomes a murder mystery. we are playing a staff game of Clue. Who wishes me ill?! Turns out – twas my vice-principal! he swears no ill-will and promises to follow up with the vendor he bought it from. I am not entirely convinced.
to make things worse, i was going around and talking to people about the plant (i live for the story) and then some friends said “well, so-and-so didn’t even get a present. she got a nice card, with nothing inside.” friends – i panicked. because it was ME who had written the card. “What?! are you sURES?!” i sweated out, checking the envelope. Nope. I had not put in the money. oh the SHAME I felt. instant full body sweat. horrific. ten out of ten do not recommend. (i sorted it out later, don’t worry)
one soul-filling moment i was holding on to was Christmas Beer and Hymns. I’ve been helping lead these for six years or so now, and it’s always a beautiful night of people from all different backgrounds coming together to raise a toast and make a joyful noise about the completely made up birthday of our Lord and Savior, he was born in the Spring Jesus. it’s quite a bit of work for me to get songs together, rehearse, try to promote, etc. and then the week and day of, pretty much all my friends canceled, which was devastating. i had a good cry. but then i realized that i should just be excited about singing for Jesus, and pull my shi*t together. so i did. two good friends came, i got to lead the absolute banger that is “little drummer boy,” we ended up packing the venue, where i had recently seen a tina turner tribute band perform, so that felt wonderful. and a good reminder that it’s not about me.
wrapping up the teaching term was a bit of blur. i’m so thankful to be in a year group that better suits me, i love the guys i work with, i wouldn’t trade my commute for anything. it is harder and harder to be a teacher each year and i . . . i have to wonder if i want to stay in this. but its a multi-layered question for me because it might not only be about teaching, but also about teaching abroad, also about being in hong kong, also about being at my school. so i indulged in a tiny wine-splashed night to fall apart, eat doritos and watch sad videos to provoke the tears i’m too embarrassed to let myself cry about the reasons they’re provoked.
it is possible i need to work on my coping skills. possibly just start with one that doesn’t add calories or make noise that neighbors complain about…remains to be explored.
i dont really make new years resolutions – i like to make “try this” lists every five years to take the pressure off. and this year will be my 40th birthday! so i get to reevaluate and revise the list, which will be great. but i did well enough on the goals that certain apps i use set. i read over 135 books this year, ran/walked/hiked nearly 700km, and started this app Daylio to track good habits, moods, etc, which is like a gratitude journal for me.
i dont know . . . no big philosophical remarks or goals or anything is coming to me to actually wrap this up . . . despite the challenges, im in a place of real contentment, of knowing myself better, of pulling together possibilities for the next few years with travel, visiting friends, getting tacos with grandma, watching my dogs curl up and chase squirrels in their sleep, finishing puzzles with my mom and sisters, pushing my nieces and nephews on swings until my arms ache, but then keep pushing.
happy new years, everyone! all the blessings and wonders and glimmers you deserve.
Sunglasses Always Fit 
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