Sunglasses Always Fit

It is birthday week! Around lunchtime, seven days from now, I will officially have been out of the womb and in the world for 40 years. That’s 14,610 days. What the heck does that even mean?!

When my parents were my age, I was 22 and graduating college. Here I am at 40, and if I get bit by the party goblin, I still act like I’m in college and get personally offended when my body reminds me the next day that I am, in fact, not. 

Confidentially, (she writes, on a public blog with the knowledge at least 12 people will read it), I identify as an adult child of indiscriminate age. I hang out with kids as my profession, which I think ages me yet keeps me young at the same time (you get a lot of grey hairs repeating yourself eleventy million times a day). I am single and child-free, which means I’m committed only to my own survival and entertainment, which keeps me young and also ages me at the same time because I don’t always make the best decisions (see – every time I decide to go on a hike or am left unsupervised for more than an hour with wine or glitter, – God forbid at the same time). 

Despite my best efforts to remain forever young and wild and carefree, I have learned a few hard truths and a lot of good truths.

Lots of people (including me) will post blogs titled “Things I wish I’d known at __” or “Things I’d tell myself at __” and while I respect the genre, I also think it’s funny because I know myself, and had someone sat me down to impart the wisdom you’ll find below, I just know I wouldn’t have listened.

The beauty of youth is that sense of invincibility, the idea that you’re different and probably an improved version of whatever well-meaning aunt is trying to shape your eyebrows, and I wouldn’t take that away from anyone. 

That being said . . . I’m writing this list.

40 things I’ve learned at 40.

1. Clean something everyday. I set a timer for 20 minutes every day and it’s amazing how much you can get done and what it does for your mental health.
2. Putting ice in your wine is not, in fact, hydrating you. It is cute that you think that, but it is not science.
3. Don’t save the nice anythings for some magical, important, imaginary moment to come. Not the nice candles, the nice perfume, the nice thoughts you’re thinking about someone. Now. Do it now. Now it all. 
4. Make a list and cross things off. Put easy things at the top. Even things you’ve already done. Sometimes I put “eat dinner” because Lord knows I will do that. Sometimes twice.
5. Read books. Any kind of book you like. Never be embarrassed to be reading, no matter the genre. It’s scientifically better than anything on a screen.
6. On that note, never call anything a “guilty pleasure.” If it makes you feel good and hurts no one at all, there’s no reason to feel guilty. I’ll read a thousand “enemies to lovers and there was only one bed” books this year and feel no guilt about it.
7. Take a lot of pictures, shameless amounts of pictures, ask people to take your picture, offer to take other people’s pictures. It’s better to have a moment to remember.
8. Sunscreen. Everyday. Wish I’d started this sooner.
9. Nothing good happens after midnight*
10. Clean your house before going on vacation*
11. Offer. Be a person people can count on. Be generous.**
12. If they want an open relationship, if they hide their phone, if they have always lived with their mom, if they gaslight, if they hoard, if you have no hobbies in common, if they have money for ______ but not for you,  a la poubelle.
13. If you don’t fit in it right at that moment, if it doesn’t look great right at that moment, don’t buy it. And don’t keep it. In fact . . .
14.  Clean out the closet regularly. Donate. Stop buying things. You don’t need things.
15. The more stuff you have, the more things you have to worry about. Less stuff = less worry. Choose your math.
16. The most important person to know and care about at any job is the cleaner and or admin assistant.
17. Get some plants.
18. Fiber and multivitamins.
19. Don’t trust anyone who animals don’t like. 
20. Travel with someone before you decide to live together or get engaged.
21. Watch how they treat servers, flight attendants, any kind of customer service. And if they’re an asshole? à la poubelle
22.  If you’re a teacher – maintain strict boundaries with management and parents.
23.  Always carry toilet paper, sanitiser, kleenex, tampons, hair ties, lip gloss, and an umbrella when traveling. This is also a great way to make friends.
24.  Pee when and where you can.
25.  Compliment women shamelessly. Shamelessly. Make best friends in bathrooms with strangers.
26.  Have at least one joke, one story, one song ready at all times.
27.  Know what you’re good at and stay in that lane and be proud of it.
28.  If you find earrings/clothing/shoes you love and look good on you, buy two!**
29.  Feel the rain on your skin. No one else can feel it for you. Only you can let it in. No one else, no one else, can speak the words on your lips.
30.  Does it bring you joy? Do you love it so much? Will it make you happy every time you see it? Yeah, get it.
31.  99% of the “getting older” things you thought would never happen to you will, in fact, happen to you. You’ll want the kids off your proverbial damn lawn. New music will sound terrible, everything will be too loud, too spicy, too difficult, too different, etc. Everything back in your day will suddenly seem amazing because of the power of failing memory. So have patience as you watch your elders walk through it and try to prepare your own mind for it. It’s everyone’s first time being alive.
32.  Seek out intergenerational friendships. I have learned so much and gained a lot of perspective from the friendships I have with women and men of all ages through church and work and my social life. And of course, hanging out with kids as a teacher. Every conversation is an education.
33.  “No, thanks,” is a complete sentence (thanks, Oprah.).
34.  Get an electric toothbrush.
35.  It doesn’t matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop. Confucius said that, and it’s a good one.
36.  Wait. Wait your turn before speaking. Wait for the solution. Wait for the older people to go first. Wait for the silence before you offer. Wait for your blessings to come.
37.  But also – if someone asks you, respond. Don’t leave an invitation hanging. Don’t leave a question unanswered when you know the answer.
38.  You have to tell people how you feel if you want them to know.
39.  If you wait long enough, almost everything starts to feel better. Time can really heal almost anything.
40.  Nothing’s that serious. So have fun.

If you’ve made it this far – thank you. thank you thank you. i feel less alone now.

*Thanks, Mom

** Thanks, G’ma