Sunglasses Always Fit

Years ago, I started marking each year of my life, answering the same set of questions each birthday to help me measure moments. Here are the last 365.25 days:

What are you doing exactly right now/what are you doing for your birthday? 

Um . . . nothing? Which is kinda lame, but. Well. It’s a Tuesday. I worked, had my after-school nerd trivia club, picked up laundry, went for my evening walk and then a friend invited me to their rooftop bar. I plucked up courage and went, met some other ex-pats, had a fantastic time talking politics and social justice and education, then came home in time to Facetime my 14 month old niece for dinner. Now I sit and wish that laundry put itself away and that food cooked itself. Hosing a loaf of goat cheese.

What shoes and clothes are you wearing? 

This floral jumpsuit I wore almost 24/7 last summer while nannying for my niece. A gold necklace from Krystal. End of list.

What did you last eat?

Calories don’t count during your birthday week, literally everyone knows this. But if one must know, I made bean-dip for lunch today, and Tilly made me a beautiful banoffee pie for my birthday cake. 

Where are you living?

In a town of 11,000 in the volcanic mountains of Guatemala on beautiful Lake Atitlan. We’re about 5,000 feet up, with water and electrical outages common. The town and lake with a large indigenous population relies completely on tourism. There are three stoplights, none guaranteed to work at any given time. The nearest movie theater is three hours away. The only clothing stores are second-hand. I live in a studio again, where, again, the only door is sliding in and out of the bathroom. It’s a ten minute walk to work and twenty minutes to the lake and there is a terrace and I am okay with the very little because compared to many here it is a whole heck of a lot.

Where do you work?

I’m at a tiny “bilingual” and “international” school that mostly serves indigenous kids on scholarship. It’s hard, HARD freaking work and I’m technically a volunteer without a visa, so there is that. I make up every lesson on my own, with little resources or technology or air flow, teaching a pubescent crowd of kids who are semi-interested. I deserve a medal.

Where have you traveled this last year?

Ah . . . well, it’s 4ish hours to the airport and I get paid in beans, so . . . nowhere. Some beach trips on crowded buses that make you carsick and test the limits of your patience, to the City to visit my friend Krys, home for summer and Christmas . . . gosh, my passport must feel neglected and sad. 

When did you last cry?

There were DAILY tears watching everything from Artemis. We need SPACE and Moon Joy.

Additionally, I just finished “All the Colors of the Dark” which gave me all the feels . . . but honestly, two weeks ago I had a horrific surprise parent meeting in the middle of the day where my administration did not translate, did not jump in to defend me against false accusations, did not support me despite my many attempts to interject and correct the narrative or deescalate the situation. So. That was a few days of tears. I hope by the time I read this again, a year from now, that painful memory is just a shrug.

What was the last movie you watched?

I was trying to watch all the Oscar nominees, but after a few, realized that life is too hard for me to voluntarily absorb more confusion or tension or sadness. I stopped after “Sentimental Value,” which should have come with a trigger warning for daughters of fathers. Now I’m back to falling asleep to my loop of “Mulan,” “Robin Hood,” and “The Wild Robot.” 

Favorite TV show of the moment?

The Pitt and Shrinking are the only ones I make an effort to keep up with. But the “always” Rotation includes Abbot Elementary, The Office, 30 Rock, and Parks and Rec.

Favorite toy of the moment?

The “getting older” in me, sees the “getting older” in you, and my fav toy is the tennis ball I roll around on because something in my back or legs is always hurting. Or Threads, where the intelligent are.

What book are you reading?

This has been the year that I FINALLY got a new library card and joined Libby and stopped giving Jeff Bezos any money (or pirating from random Russian websites my friend would send me). I also learned how to like audio books! I like to listen to nonfiction while I take my daily walks, or on the insane bus rides we take. This has been a gift. My current listen is called “Meet the Neighbors,” which is all about how we interact with animals and what scientists know about their minds and communities. It is FASCINATING and makes me cry and makes me angry and fuels my dream to eschew all human interactions (except a select hundred few) and open an animal sanctuary. 

How many books did you read in the last year? Highlights?

Because I was doing my Masters’, I wasn’t really reading for pleasure as much as I usually do. Also, I have stopped using Goodreads (another way I’m quietly sticking it to Bezos) and have started using Storygraph, created and owned by a Black woman, so I recommend and please follow me there! But I think it was about 50 books last year? Standouts would be “Men who Hate Women,” “Everything is Tuberculosis,” “Parable of the Sower,” “Tom Lake,” “ The Anxious Generation,” and “I who have never known men.” 

When did you last laugh really hard? 

Last weekend we went to Antigua to celebrate Rachael’s birthday and Erin’s engagement, and my longtime bestie Krystal met us there for the shenanigans. We can set each other off so easily, pretending to twerk like grandmas on bar stools, impersonating each other, stealing french fries, comparing our creeping perimenopause symptoms. I needed it so much.

What are you most looking forward to right now?

My grandpa Lowell passed away a few years ago, and wanted to be buried next to his dad in the family plot in Hawaii. It has taken a lot of planning and figuring out (nearly all of which I have luckily had no part in) but about 15 of us are going over to Hawaii to do so! We will spend a week there as a family and I am so excited for this time. The text threads have been insane. 

What’s your favorite song at the moment?

You know . . . I recently watched the Lilith Faire documentary, which I went to in 1998, and then saw that En Vogue, TLC, and Salt N Pepa are going on tour, so I have been on a 90s girl power playlist lock down. It is so good. The shower playlist is probably killing my neighbors but too bad. So I nominate Brandy’s “Sunny Day,” “Baby, Baby, Baby” by TLC and “Delirium” and “Elsewhere” by Sarah McLachlan as my current favorite old favorite always favorite songs. 

What’s the same about your life last year that you’re happy about?

I have friends. No major illnesses or deaths in the family, including pets. I haven’t needed clothes in a bigger size. 

What’s different about your life from last year? What surprised you about this last year or changed it for you?

Hm. This class is smaller, but quite difficult. Doing my Masters’ has given me some more tools . . . yet . . . maybe it’s just a “been teaching sixteen years” slump but I don’t like it much at the moment? There are glimpses . . . I get to teach so many COOL things! Civil Rights! Indigenous movements! Long division! Fractions! Long essay writing form! But . . . it’s exhausting. Maybe that’s just being an intelligent and empathetic person at the moment though. We carry on. 

When and what was your last vacation?

A real “relax” was Spring Break in El Paredon, a solo trip of beach sunsets, yummy food, and the biggest decision each day being which bikini to wear. The trip had its fair share of drama, and I was alone as well so . . . gosh. Not sure when I was last truly relaxed and safe and sound. 

What’s your current favorite joke? 

It’s not a joke, per se, but my students have just learned the word “awkward” as a spelling word. I explained how there was a time when saying it was as ubiquitous as “67” is today. It is also helpful context that we have been studying puberty in Science. Now they all try to use it as often as possible, sometimes correctly, sometimes not. It’s adorable. 

What would you like as a gift right now?

United Airlines miles, a third-party income injection, a really big box of Whoppers/Malteasers/Robins Eggs candy. That sounds SO freaking good.

What are you proud of this year? 

I finished my Masters’ with a 4.0. I haven’t quit teaching despite really wanting to, several times over. I think I have been a good sister, daughter, and friend. I am the only woman playing on a volleyball team with 15-16 year old boys and they need and respect my skills. I’ve learned how to invest in the stock market all on my own. I’ve revamped my resume, applied to jobs, made a plan for the future. Decentered men. Had some (a lot of) bad moments but punching fear in the face. 

What’s an important relationship at the moment?

I don’t think it’s in the cards for me to be a mom, so to be able to be the nanny-aunt, or “nauntie” last summer to my niece Mazie was special. She was fresh from Heaven and hopes and dreams for my sister, so it was a big responsibility I was given (especially since while I was nannying, Jenna was working from home!). We hung out, rocked to sleep listening to a specially curated playlist of powerhouse women singers. We drove around the Bay, visited our grandparents, looked at black and white contrast patterns, worked on tummy time, and laughed at the dogs everyday. I knew when she was tired, hungry, about to throw up. I’ve never been so invested or attuned to someone else. It was magical. Despite the diapers. It did NOT make me want to be a mom. But it was and is a magical bond that I am excited to continue when I move home to California. 

What are your goals for the next year?

I haven’t lived in the States for 12 years, so I think the adjustment will be challenging. I hope to do well. I want to give myself space and grace to figure it out, to live with my parents long term for the first time in decades, to rediscover the Bay Area. Will I do that? Ha! Probably not. I want to do well at my job, reconnect with old friends, get back into running, relearn how to drive confidently. Importantly, I want to look back a year from now and know I’ve made the right decision. Most likely – I collapse a few months into it all and wonder who and what and where I am. It could all be terrible.

But it could all be great.

So there it is! Here’s to the next turn around the Sun. Thanks for coming along. Please continue.