The start of a new week is both the best day and the worst day of the week for the unemployed.
A. All you suckers have to get up early and to go to work today! nine to fiiiive hahaha!
B. No one is paying me to lay around the house in my sweats, facebook and eat my feelings.

Monday begins a new week, which means a whole new group of resumes and cover letters to write. I usually collect new job leads over the weekend, but leave them until Monday morning to attend to. In this way, I feel I simulate a “real” workweek for myself. Weekends off, weekdays, semi-productive status. After browsing everyone’s facebook status at about 10am on Monday, I usually feel so left out of the adult work world that I’m really fired up to get all clever on my resumes and find new ways to describe the minimal work I did as “innovative…displaying great initiative to produce higher levels of satisfaction in customer service.” And yes, that is about waitressing. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore.

The thing about applying for all these jobs all the time, is I’m forgetting which ones I’ve applied to. I started to keep a file on all of them, but now I’ve just lost count. You never hear back from anyone, not even a “hey we got your email. Thanks for applying” courtesy auto-reply email. I don’t even get courtesy reply emails to the ones I email again asking if they got my first email! I understand they have eight million people applying for one job, the pool of potential employees is huge, and the companies can afford to be really picky, what with 10 percent of Californians out of work right now, but just a holler back, people, would be really nice. Then I wouldn’t feel like such a complete failure at life.

Because no one emails or calls, I wake myself up in the middle of the night, sitting straight up in bed and gasping outloud “AHHH i dont think I spellchecked that email! I must have spelled something wrong!!” or thinking I attached the wrong resume with the wrong cover letter. Or wondering if I addressed it to the wrong person in the wrong department and it never reached anyone, my resume is just floating around in cyberspace for people with jobs to make fun of.

The other issue I’m running into, especially with craigslist employment, is that a lot of the jobs on there don’t list someone specific to send it to, or even the company you’re applying to, so you have noooo idea who to address the cover letter to! I’m like, “Dear….sirs and madams who hold my fate in their hands….Dear company I don’t really want to work for but am getting desperate…Dear people who I will never hear from again…”

I read a quote that says “Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden.” Which, in my case, is true! I’ve decided to plant a salsa garden. My mom and I bought some terra cotta pots, and I spraypainted all kinds of beautiful colors to make them to look like Mexico, which is my favorite country. Inside I’m planting cilantro, jalapenos, onions, bell peppers, and tomatoes! Its going to be amazing. Now I just need to plant an avocado tree, a Tostitos tree, and a Pacifico tree, and I will be set for life.