I went to a University and received a fantastic education. I read the New York Times. I’m a Latin teacher. I’m currently reading “The Aeneid” for fun. BUT…..you should know….I. LOVE. Twilight.
I’m definitely Team Edward, I think Bella is a little pathetic and repetitive…and to be honest, the writing is sometimes so atrocious that I spend more time thinking about how I would have edited each chapter than actually enjoying the mind candy….but they are each still a delightful piece of fluff, even for an occasionally snobby academic like myself. I’ve read each book, especially the kiss scenes (insert “tee hee” from under the covers), probably four times.
Even grown, intelligent, cultured women can enjoy and be passionate about a series of books written for teenage girls…
10. We like glitter. K this is a lame one…but I mean it in the same way that (most) women will always love things that are feminine and fantasy…unicorns, sparkles, vampires, werewolves, the hint of danger….its sexy. It’s pretty. We dig it.
9. We like drama. The damsel in distress with two hotties fighting over her? Fantastic. Conflict between the father and the boyfriend? Classic. (That Charlie is so adorable.) People want to kill me because my blood smells awesome? Bring it on! I guess it’s more than a little egotistical. But it is a beast that lives within us all.
8. Tayler Lautner’s abs. For that matter, all the delicious men. They are forever 17 or whatever, but also like a hundred years old, so it’s not illegal for me to have late night thoughts about Jacob, Edward, and what’s his bucket- the bad guy from the first movie. “How old are you?” “17.” “How long have you been 17?” “Awhile.” Brilliant. I can’t get arrested for lusting after you.
7. It’s so bad it’s good. The cheesy one-liners, “you make my entire existence” and Taylor Lautner‘s monotone monologues, the super contrived plot “twists,” the total predictability of Bella’s and Edward’s tag-teaming of self-loathing….we love to hate it. There is something comforting in it all. So “hold on tight, spider monkey.”
6. Eternal Youth. Who wouldn’t want to be 18 forever? Even though I thought I was a beached whale when I was 18, I looked fantastic. AND I’m a huge nerd. When reading about how the vampire kids had an inside joke about matriculation, since they stayed in high school for about a hundred years, I secretly thought to myself…”imagine all the cool things I could learn if I could live forever!” Yeah. Besides the hotness factor, I’d love to pick up like twenty languages…and physics or civil engineering, or something weird like that.
5. High School Nostalgia. The cafeteria, the field trips with the weird yet endearing science teacher, the hanging out in the parking lot, shopping for prom dresses in the city with your girlfriends, the cheerleaders, the terrible decisions, the studying for finals in a field of purple flowers while your vampire boyfriend seduces you…totally normal! High school kinda defines you, and it’s nice to look back at it from a distance and see it and those first loves for the silly that it is.
4. We’re all Bella. Or at least we want to be that “special” to somebody…somebody who doesn’t have the strength to stay away from me even though I am clumsy, not classically beautiful, from a messed up family, and you want to watch sleep every night for the rest of your life. Damsel in distress syndrome to the max. We all want to be someone’s “personal brand of heroin….”
3. SoulMateage. From the moment they met, Edward tells us that we don’t know “how long I’ve waited for you….” I think all women hold on to the idea that we have one perfect soul mate wandering this planet in as desperate a search for us as we are in search of them. The relationship between Bella and Edward seems to be built on little more than physical attraction, staring contests, a great soundtrack, and insurmountable odds, yet they are the only ones in the world for each other. Who doesn’t want to believe in that?
2. Edward is freaking broody and handsome. I only need to say….Edward with ray bans the first time they’re together at school. Amaze. Total sealed the deal. The preview of his back muscles clenching during the marriage consummation scene on Isle Esme alone was worth Youtubing the trailer again and again…and again.
1. Seriously tame yet exciting romance. These days, kids are ripping off their clothes asap in film. Bella and Edward actually wait until they are married to truly unite as one. As I read these books, I kept harkening back to the thrill and drop in my stomach that I remember from my first “true love” in high school. It’s almost Austenian in the building of sexual tension….so much so that when Edward brushes her arm, you can almost feel him brushing yours. I was so excited for their first make out scene I think I read it four times in a row. They get to really know each other, their passion is allowed to build, we revel in the innocence, the time it used to take to truly build a relationship. Do you remember how amazing your first true kiss was? It’s gorgeous and old-fashioned and rich. Let’s bring waiting BACK.
So…I’m going to the midnight preview of “Breaking Dawn” tomorrow night…can’t wait for the delirious haze that will be teaching on Friday!
Viva la romance.
- What ‘Twilight’ Left Us (theatlanticwire.com)
- Twilight Saga is complete. (unspokenbreaths.wordpress.com)
- Off Topic: Twilight is Finally Over, Let the Real Love-Fest Begin (queerguesscode.wordpress.com)
- Read Twilight (todayonline.com)
- Does Twilight Really Ruin Real-Life Romance? (entertainment.time.com)