Kacie B, my front runner, gets the first second one-on-one date. Ben seems excited to have all day with her, but I was nervous that they would run out of things to say…Loved the deserted island thing they had going, and I LOVED that I have been on the San Blas islands where they were! This was my favorite date because it was an activity, it was outside, and pretty primitive. They had to hack down coconuts with machetes, “catch” their own fish (nice toss, producers), but somehow managed to pack champagne.

Kacie B you are my girl!

Loved the date, I just kept waiting for the B-list country star to drop in for a private concert. Lots of references to “teamwork” and how if they can sit on an island for a few hours, they can do anything. Ben needs to stop with the overgeneralizing metaphors. Their nighttime date had them bonding over Kacie’s eating disorder….which is a lot to unload on a guy, but Ben handled it well. She is so ready for relationship with Ben – they’re already making out in streets.

really?

Group date– another chance for Ben to impress us all with his manhood skills by driving a boat. Don’t worry Ben, you had me at “machete” and a coconut. The girls had to get into little beaded numbers, and of course, Courtney takes advantage to “go native” and remove her bikini! Tacky. Everyone else is way too nice to be the kind of meangirl that comes so naturally to Courtney.

“I don’t believe in fighting” – Lindzi, with a profound statement. It’s not like people *enjoy* fighting, right?

Courtney saunters in background in bikini….classic.

I think Courtney just wants to be on the show to beat other girls, and it’s not even really about Ben. She’s just on the hunt. Her lip injections keeps making these faces that I want to pinch as she’s humming and clawing and pursing her lips up to the top of the food chain. Courtney is games and lies and oozes cheap. But then, after throwing out the room number invitation, Courtney is waiting for Ben in her hotel room, and her voice cracks with…do I detect….emotion?! THEN he stands her up, and I realize there IS justice in the world.Β 

Two-on-One date with Blakely and Rachel…Blakely is all kinds of annoying confidence. Rachel is way more my style. They’re going to learn salsa….but I feel like Blakely is at a distinct and unfair advantage because I think she’s like a pole dancer, yes? “Dancing is completely sensual and sexual, and that’s who I am.” – Blakely…barf. I am also completely turned off by her huge forearm tattoo. She is tacky. If I’ve learned anything from Blakely, it’s that a hot package can be completely ruined by saying “yaaaaay!” and chewing gum.

Then Blakely nails the coffin when she drops the creepy scrap book about their future imaginary lives together…I just don’t know a single guy who wouldn’t be freaked out by that, in any situation, “Bachelor” or real-life. That’s too much. Girls – we can make those things in our minds or on Pinterest, but we don’t share them. We also shouldn’t keep sobbing into the arms of the practical stranger who just dumped us. Get in the car. Get in the car! Chin up, soldier.

can’t help but feel sorry for this girl.

Casey S being asked to leave because she has an ex boyfriend who she’s still in love with…..that was a first on the Bachelor! Clearly she was just hanging out for the adventure and to travel around the world with frizzy hair.

Then awkward Jamie tried to make a move…ripped her dress, kept going in for the hug…kept talking and talking and talking, all the way through giving him a makeout lesson ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, while she can’t even stop laughing long enough to make out with him. And Ben just wanted an exit strategy the whole time…

….and he found it by not giving her a rose. I feel so bad for her. She’s had a rough start in life and is working hard. She is really pretty and wants it so bad. Don’t give up, Jamie.

Well, I’m glad I’m perfect so that no one can find anything to judge about me. Until next week, which looks like it’s the Courtney Smackdown Show! YESSSSSSSSS