Forgive me, readers, for I have lived away from my blog. It has been two months since my last post. A lot has gone down this summer, and my Fall is going to be busier. It’s my fourth year of teaching junior high Latin, Spanish, and Drama. I’m also entering my last term of my credential program. And….there is something I need to change about the title of this blog…because I am only “young” and “unprofessional,” but very much not single anymore. :)
This blog is entirely selfish in some ways. I do use it to talk about causes I’m interested in, or post pictures or videos I think are cool, or reflect on experiences. Or talk about Brian Wilson ad naseum. :) All worthy causes. But this summer, not writing about every little thing that happened, I found I was forgetting all the funny moments, the meaning behind the inside jokes, the bloodsweattears behind the hard times, and I didn’t have the chance to reflect on all that everything meant to me. Part of it was being caught up in the moment – running crazy from experience to adventure. Part of it was being happy and in a relationship, which counteracts the usual “I’m single and kicking ass” vibe my posts usually have.
This blog functions as a diary; great for people like me who process thoughts through writing and reading and rereading and trying to edit out the embarrassing. Despite being public, it’s a semi-adulthood diary full of private thoughts. Which should probably come with self-destruct features. I still have some of my childhood diaries, and I cringe reading things I wrote about my siblings, parents, teachers, friends, boys. Elaborate plans to run away with my best friend Amy, work at Disneyland, sleep under the stars until we had boyfriends that became husbands. All this because we were pissed off about chores our moms made us do. (Fifth grade. Fun age.)
What I value about this online journal is being able to read back on past experiences and laugh and cry at myself. Lately, I’ve been questioning my teaching program, the school I work at, my future career as an educator in a society that devalues education more and more each day.
My petulant inner child stomps her feet – “I was gonna be an actress, a rock star, an author, a missionary! I was going to save the world and make everyone laugh while I did it!”
Because when it’s not what you expected (the expenses, workload, and relativity of my credential program), and the rewards of your labor are few and far between (my work as a teacher), the grass looks so luscious and green and inviting. I find myself perusing waitressing jobs on Craigslist in New York, or call center agencies in Argentina, or farm volunteer work in Kansas.
But I was reminded last night that nothing is wasted when you are using the gifts that God gave you. I have a gift for being with junior highers…it’s the most miserable age on the planet, but I find them adorable, endearing and full of promise most of the time. I have a gift for language, and my passion for language learning has been ignited by teaching Latin – a subject I never would have known if not for this job.
I am reminded of different kinds of Jesus and His followers everyday at my job, which is a present from God that defines and sharpens the kind of Christianity I personally want to represent to the world.
So on to another school year – the end of my credential program, endless faculty meetings and email strings, crazy parents, a new software for this, a new system for that.
On to handwritten love notes from 11-year-old hearts, to forgetting why we raised our hands, to the first crush, the first pimple, the lockers that won’t open.
Viva la teacher.