To try and help inspire writing, I am subscribed to a writing prompt that is delivered daily to my inbox. However, I have a terrible habit of reading emails on my phone and then never looking at them again. The only time I truly respond to emails is if I am seated at my computer. And even then it’s like “email…email…ooh Pinterest! Facebook! Kittens on the internet! hahaha omg I love cats.”
So when my writing prompt from a few weeks ago asked us to write about our biggest flaws…I naturally thought it was a great idea, flagged it in my inbox, and forgot about it. Until tonight.
I am not Seinfeldian in being picky about other people’s flaws, but I can become particularly fixated on something that rubs me the wrong way, and disengage from that person. In the same vein, if an artist adds a fake laugh to their song (Taylor Swift, Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey – I’m talking to you!) once I hear it, that’s all I can hear, and I can never listen to that song again. It’s dead to me.
It’s hard to think that people might be doing that to me, too. It’s harder still to look at myself and think of what are my bad habits, but probably a good practice.
Let’s start with the easy – things that really bug me about people (but I really wish didn’t, because I always want to be a nice person):
- I am extremely sensitive to bad breath.
- I am sensitive to loud chewers/breathers/walkers/snifflers.
- I am sensitive to people who post a lot of selfies on facebook. You know the ones. Like this:
- Lack of manners/grammar/spelling bewilders me.
- I hate mess/disorganization (this doesn’t mean I am clean and neat).
Okay. So now to self-examine.
First, I’m going to have some frosting and wine.
Okay. Got that covered.
Things that probably bug people about me, and even bug me about me:
- I am always running late.
- I am writing about you in my head as we are talking. Sometimes that ends up here on my blog.
- I am really forgetful.
- I have a very “mi casa es su casa” personality. Which means I will eat your food and drink your drink and not even register that this might annoy you. And then forget about it and totally deny ever seeing your hummus or merlot.
- I hate talking on the phone. You might call me, and I will text you back.
I can run out of patience really quick and be very sarcastic with my students, which some of them respond to well and some cry and some don’t understand what’s happening.
- I will not confront you. See this picture to the right? This toddler is braver than me.
- I am a terrible back seat driver – pushing on the imaginary brake pedal under my foot and gasping when you change lanes.
- I can be bossy or know-it-all.
- I block people from my newsfeed on Facebook if they are gnarly political in ways that are different from my own views. (Sorry, most Republicans.)
- When I dip my chips/crackers in guac/salsa/hummus/cheese, I take WAY too much.
- Sometimes I get too lazy to brush my teeth or wash my face before bed. And I’m certainly not a regular flosser.
- I can never hold in a fart, and I will blame it on a nearby dog or student if I have to.
- I also contend that my farts smell of roses, and you should be thankful.
- I always think my music selection is better than yours.
- I’m giving myself the bigger pour.
- Despite all my missionary work and third world travel experiences, when it comes to the luxuries of technology, I am the people I hate. Just this week, I took a bubble bath with candles and wine, and set up my laptop on the sink to play “Downton Abbey” for me.
And so I think that is the list. I am flawed indeed. In spite of all these defects, I would like to think I am still relatively loveable.
For our closing, we turn to the philosopher Beyonce, for her epic song, “Flaws and All.” Because she and I are almost like identical twins, so this video means a lot to me.
December 23, 2012 at 6:08 am
I bet Beyonce doesn’t hold in farts either.
December 23, 2012 at 11:41 am
I think she has someone fart for her.
December 23, 2012 at 8:01 pm
Like a fart double? Does the person look like her or just fart like her?