the countdown on my phone - finally down to one day left!
the countdown on my phone – finally down to one day left!

This is my last day in California. In less than 24 hours, I will be driving, and driving, and driving to North Carolina and living there until…I don’t know when. And living I don’t know where, with I don’t know who. Working as a…yeah, that’s another unknown.

As I try to play a game of suitcase Tetris against my Corolla, this is gettingΒ crazy. I can’t believe it’s really here. BUT! This is gonna be so cool.

I get to pick up and move somewhere because I feel like it. I’m not married, I don’t have kids or a mortgage or even a goldfish. My “furniture” is a blow-up mattress. I’m bringing some favorite coffee mugs and books, but that’s about it. I get to start over and do anything I want (within reason. I’ve been googling and turns out no one will pay me to lay in a hammock in pajamas, drink wine and read books all day).

finished putting together my car top carrier! celebratory brewskies!
finished putting together my car top carrier! celebratory brewskies!

I’m excited about so many things – making new friends, finding a new church, dusting off my resume, pursuing writing. We get to find a new grocery store, new radio stations, find a neighborhood bar, walk new trails, and be made fun of for being Californian (thinly veiled jealousy!).

It will be really interesting to be in the midst of so much American history, and be able to drive a few hours in any direction and be in a new state. And I think (and hope) North Carolina is a perfect blend of the South and the East Coast.

And this will be so awesome for me and boyfriend. We’ll have to be in a foreign land together where neither of us has the advantage of knowing anything about it, and really find out if we’re meant to be together. (I think we are :) ).

but if i let myself sit still too long…i get scared. why did i quit teaching, i love teaching! what if i cant find a job? what if i get really sick/injured without health insurance? what if boyfriend and i fight? what if im attacked by giant north carolina bugs and they infect me with a weird virus and my feet fall off? (note: stop watching xfiles reruns late at night.)

and ive had to sayΒ realΒ goodbyes. not “moving to college, see you at thanksgiving” goodbyes. but goodbyes to people i may truly never see again. it will get harder and harder to come home and connect with friends, when family will have priority and we’ll be broke grad students across the country.

my grandma great on her birthday. she thought she was 78.
my grandma great on her birthday. she thought she was 78.

saying goodbye to grandma great was…emotional. she’s 98. she has no idea im moving away. i mean, i told her. five times in five minutes. but she doesn’t remember. it may really be the last time i see her, this side of heaven.

And then I remember a favorite quote – “go confidently in the direction of your dreams. live the life you have always imagined.”

And I remember that if this ends up being a terrible mistake and I’m allergic to North Carolina, the worst thing that could happen is I come home and try something else.

And I remember that although many things about the South make it seem like a foreign country, I’m a plane ride, a text message, an instagram away from all my favorite people. And people move across the country all the time. They used to do it in covered wagons! So. I will be fine. This will be great. Being scared is good.

Okay. I’ve spent hours composing the perfect road trip playlist, I’ve written my feelings. It’s almost go time.

Adventure is out there!