The problem with social media is we believe what we see. Via Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, etc., we form opinions of each other. In a more devious and dangerous vein, we work to form others’ opinions of ourselves.
We post the highlights of our lives. We post cool dinner spots, the Color Run we completed, the amazing meal we made. We post pictures of our pets, our DIY projects, and post-haircut selfies from the front seat of our car.
But. Is this real life?
I thought I’d tell you some secrets about women and what we’re guilty of putting on the internet.
We post pictures of things we cook, because the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. We want you to know we can cook.
We post pictures of a night out with the girls, because we want to look cool, adventurous, and more importantly, like someone that another man would want to ask out. Make no mistake: women know EXACTLY who she wants to see that picture.
We post clever quips because we want you to know that we are well read. We don’t bother fact-checking but we want you to read obscure Maya Angelou thoughts about beauty and self-worth and immediately be better people.
We post workout statuses and pics so you can tell us that we look great and don’t need to work out. If we are into Crossfit, we post because Crossfit has made us clinically insane and that’s all we are able to talk about.
We post pictures of animals because nothing loves us like a cat when we’re trying to pee, or a dog all the time. Also if we dont have babies yet, this is practice for loving something.
We post pictures with our family members, so that you know that we are family people, and family people love us, despite our past, so there is hope.
We post (or re-post) political stuff, so you know we think about that.
We post cleavage pics, because we know you respond to boobs. But we make it (mostly) innocent looking. Just watch for the specific angle.
We post pics with beer/sports/cars/guitars/tractors because you like that, based on commercials we have seen.
We only post pictures where we look good. And interesting. And busy. And important. And so we put on makeup, get tans, blow-out our hair, and put on duck lips because that’s what you seem to like.
But after all that, when you’re with us for real…we don’t need a million mini hedgehogs pics, as long as we have you.
We’ll eat hotdogs and fries from a foodtruck, if we’re dating on a budget.
No more cleavage pics.
Our nights with the girls will be editted.
You will know that we REALLY love you when you see us without makeup, hair in pony-tail, sweatpants on, flip-flops, drinking a PBR. We just want to be in sweatpants. We want to wear your sweatpants, actually. Once the weird dance of courtship is over, I stop posting stupid pics. I just post “us” pics.
Because love isn’t what it looks like, it is what it is. It is hard; it is a series of battles with choices. It is selfless, patient, kind. It does not hold a grudge or crave jealousy. Love trusts. Love compromises. Love moves. Love is letting you pick the Netflix, cleaning the dishes, and sharing the last clean fork to eat ice cream from the carton.
Until then. And sometimes even afterwards. Weird, predictable, beautiful pictures and posts await you. :)
- Sexy selfies may upset parents, but they’re part of growing up today | Joanna Moorhead (theguardian.com)
- You Can’t Un-See this Shit! (hdfloyd73.wordpress.com)
- 11 Things Some Girls Still Don’t Understand (thoughtcatalog.com)
- An FYI to a Very Specific Girl (stirrup-queens.com)
- A Girl’s Bright and Colorful Good Morning Bathroom (planitdiy.com)
- How to make a photo with the girl, if there is no girls (photovide.com)
- The Biggest Assholes In Social Media (theforeversoapoperaofmylife.wordpress.com)
- Mrs. Hall’s Letter to Some Teenage Girls (thevinevigil.wordpress.com)
- Mom’s Facebook rant tells teen girls: Stop with the sexy selfies (today.com)
- I Am Thankful For Sweatpants (daydreamdressup.wordpress.com)