As a recovering junior high teacher, I have a vast collection of kids jokes I can use on demand, mostly whenever I had lost control of the class or the lesson was terrible or I was having a bad day, and we were just going to try again tomorrow.
And none were as successful as my pirate jokes. Because they’re predictable and awesome and never-ending. In honor of National Talk like a Pirate Day, here’s a beginning list:
What size clothing does a pirate wear?
Larrrrrge
What’s a pirate’s favorite continent?
Antarrrrtica
What’s a pirate do after he eats beans?
Farrrrts
What’s a pirate’s favorite activity at the park?
Monkey barrrrrs
When he’s in the Bay Area, how does a pirate commute to work?
on BAAAARRRRRT
What does a pirate like to roast over the campfire?
Marrrrrshmallows
Why didn’t the pirate do his homework?
It was too harrrrrd.
What do pirates do on Saturday mornings?
Watch carrrrrtoons
Where does a pirate get fresh fruit?
The fARmers mARket
What’s a pirate’s favorite sea-dwelling creature?
A sharrrrrrk
What’s the pirate’s favorite Olympic sport to watch?
Parallel barrrrrs
Why did the young pirate get such good grades in school?
Because he was smarrrrt and tried harrrrrd.
What’s a pirate’s favorite gymnastic activity?
Turning carrrrtwheels.
What’s a pirate’s favorite crime?
Arrrrson. OR Larrrceny.
Who was the pirate’s favorite President?
Jimmy Carrrrter
What does the patriotic pirate do on the Fourth of July?
Barrrrrrbeque.
What doesn’t a pirate like to do?
Things that are harrrrd.
What’s a pirate always grill with?
Chaaaarcoal
Who’s the pirate’s favorite person at the restaurant?
The barrrrtender.
Where does a pirate in middle America shop for everything?
Walmarrrrrrt.
Who’s the pirate’s favorite cartoon cat?
Garrrrfield
Whats a pirate’s favorite state?
Arrrrkansas
What’s a pirate favorite happy hour drink?
MARgarita
What’s a pirate’s favorite wine?
CHARdonnay
What’s a pirate’s favorite Catholic position of authority?
Carrrrdinals
What’s a pirate’s favorite month of the year?
Marrrrch
Why couldn’t the young pirate get into the movies?
It was rated RRRRRR
What’s a pirate’s favorite music genre?
RRRR and B
Where do female pirates spend all their money?
Tarrrrrget.
What’s a pirate kid’s favorite game?
Marrrrrrbles.
What’s a pirate favorite instrument?
The guitarrrrr.
Where do pirates grow their food?
The farrrm.
Where do pirates keep their cows?
The barrrrrrn.
What’s a pirate’s favorite bible story?
Noah and the Arrrrrrrk.
What’s a pirate’s favorite band?
The Arrrrtic Monkeys.
Why was the pirate upset about upgrading to an iPhone5?
He had to buy a new charrrrger.
What’s a pirate’s favorite movie trilogy?
Starrrr Warrrrrs.
What’s a pirate’s favorite body part?
Your arrrrrms. Or your hearrrrrrt.
Pirate’s fav Fruit?
ORANGE
Pirate’s fav card game?
HEARTS!
What does he drive?
a carrrrr
Favorite element?
Arrrrrrgon or GOLD
Favorite planet?
MARRRRRS
Favorite state capitol?
CARson City
Favorite Disney character?
JaFARRRR or Scarrrrr
Where does he drink?
A BAR
Favorite vegetable?
ARTichoke
Favortite subject in school?
ART! And navigation. Duh.
Favorite motorcycle?
HARRRRRLEY
Where would you find a fossilized pirate?
In TAR
How does a pirate like his knives?
SHARRRRRP
Whats a pirates favorite fast food?
ARRRRRBYS
What does a pirate do when he gets sick?
BARRRRRF
Whats a pirates favorite charity?
A.RRRRR.F.
How does a pirate laugh via text message?
HArharhar
What’s a pirate’s favorite café?
STARbucks
What’s a pirate’s favorite Olympic sport?
Arrrrrrchery
Where does a pirate take his family on Sunday afternoons?
The PARK
What’s a pirate’s favorite baseball team?
MARlins
Where does a pirate play laser tag?
qZAR
What’s a pirate’s favorite football team?
CHARRRRRgers
What’s a pirate’s favorite radio station?
KNBRRRRR
What kind of guns do pirate cops like to use?
Radarrrrrr!
Favorite candy?
CARRRRRamel
Favorite food group?
STARRRRRCH
Favorite celestial being?
STARRRRRS
PIrates always like to sing in?
HARRRRmony
Favorite song?
STAR spangled banner
What’s a pirate always score in golf?
PAR
Why didn’t he cross the street?
It was too FAR
Why won’t he go to China?
Because he’s afraid of SARRRRRS
What’s a pirate’s favorite animal?
Arrrrrmadillo or aarrrrrdvark
Whats a pirate’s favorite tool?
A WRRRRRENCH
What are they afraid of?
The DARRRRRK
Worst bodily function?
A FARRRRT
Favorite branch of the military?
ARMY or the MARines
And here’s the home run:
Whats a pirates favorite letter?
The c (sea)
Har har! Any that I missed, me maties? Please add your own!
Sunglasses Always Fit 
November 3, 2013 at 11:01 am
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