As a recovering junior high teacher, I have a vast collection of kids jokes I can use on demand, mostly whenever I had lost control of the class or the lesson was terrible or I was having a bad day, and we were just going to try again tomorrow.
And none were as successful as my pirate jokes. Because they’re predictable and awesome and never-ending. In honor of National Talk like a Pirate Day, here’s a beginning list:
What size clothing does a pirate wear?
What’s a pirate’s favorite continent?
What’s a pirate do after he eats beans?
What’s a pirate’s favorite activity at the park?
When he’s in the Bay Area, how does a pirate commute to work?
What does a pirate like to roast over the campfire?
Why didn’t the pirate do his homework?
It was too harrrrrd.
What do pirates do on Saturday mornings?
Where does a pirate get fresh fruit?
The fARmers mARket
What’s a pirate’s favorite sea-dwelling creature?
What’s the pirate’s favorite Olympic sport to watch?
Why did the young pirate get such good grades in school?
Because he was smarrrrt and tried harrrrrd.
What’s a pirate’s favorite gymnastic activity?
What’s a pirate’s favorite crime?
Arrrrson. OR Larrrceny.
Who was the pirate’s favorite President?
What does the patriotic pirate do on the Fourth of July?
What doesn’t a pirate like to do?
Things that are harrrrd.
What’s a pirate always grill with?
Who’s the pirate’s favorite person at the restaurant?
Where does a pirate in middle America shop for everything?
Who’s the pirate’s favorite cartoon cat?
Whats a pirate’s favorite state?
What’s a pirate favorite happy hour drink?
What’s a pirate’s favorite wine?
What’s a pirate’s favorite Catholic position of authority?
What’s a pirate’s favorite month of the year?
Why couldn’t the young pirate get into the movies?
It was rated RRRRRR
What’s a pirate’s favorite music genre?
RRRR and B
Where do female pirates spend all their money?
What’s a pirate kid’s favorite game?
What’s a pirate favorite instrument?
Where do pirates grow their food?
Where do pirates keep their cows?
What’s a pirate’s favorite bible story?
Noah and the Arrrrrrrk.
What’s a pirate’s favorite band?
The Arrrrtic Monkeys.
Why was the pirate upset about upgrading to an iPhone5?
He had to buy a new charrrrger.
What’s a pirate’s favorite movie trilogy?
What’s a pirate’s favorite body part?
Your arrrrrms. Or your hearrrrrrt.
Pirate’s fav Fruit?
Pirate’s fav card game?
What does he drive?
Arrrrrrgon or GOLD
Favorite state capitol?
Favorite Disney character?
JaFARRRR or Scarrrrr
Where does he drink?
Favortite subject in school?
ART! And navigation. Duh.
Where would you find a fossilized pirate?
How does a pirate like his knives?
Whats a pirates favorite fast food?
What does a pirate do when he gets sick?
Whats a pirates favorite charity?
How does a pirate laugh via text message?
What’s a pirate’s favorite café?
What’s a pirate’s favorite Olympic sport?
Where does a pirate take his family on Sunday afternoons?
What’s a pirate’s favorite baseball team?
Where does a pirate play laser tag?
What’s a pirate’s favorite football team?
What’s a pirate’s favorite radio station?
What kind of guns do pirate cops like to use?
Favorite food group?
Favorite celestial being?
PIrates always like to sing in?
STAR spangled banner
What’s a pirate always score in golf?
Why didn’t he cross the street?
It was too FAR
Why won’t he go to China?
Because he’s afraid of SARRRRRS
What’s a pirate’s favorite animal?
Arrrrrmadillo or aarrrrrdvark
Whats a pirate’s favorite tool?
What are they afraid of?
Worst bodily function?
Favorite branch of the military?
ARMY or the MARines
And here’s the home run:
Whats a pirates favorite letter?
The c (sea)
Har har! Any that I missed, me maties? Please add your own!