1. my favorite flowers are sweet peas. neither sweet nor peas. talk amongst yourselves.

2. my favorite food is cottage cheese. plain, right out of the carton, with a fork.

made of evil!

3. im scared of horses. i blame summer camp of 97, when a horse decided to roll over onto its back WITH ME STILL IN THE SADDLE.

4. im really good at karaoke. If an alien race ever tries to take over the world, but allows one final karaoke showdown for us to keep our human independence, I am your girl. I will rock.

5. I love outside.


6. I want to own a paddle boat. i love paddleboating. Most people are like “yeah! lets paddleboat!” and then after five minutes they are over it. Not me. I could paddleboat all day and all night. I paddleboated in Switzerland. With baby swans who poop glitter I am not kidding.

7. I have an aversion to whole numbers when I microwave. I can’t do the “30 second” or “one minute” options. I like my things heated for 47 seconds or 24 seconds. Can’t explain it.


8. My favorite candy is CONVERSATION HEARTS!!! thats why I love February. I dont eat the pinks and purples though.

9. i have six younger brothers and sisters.

10. I’m a Britney Spears fan.

11. I love the smell of suntan lotion. and cookies. and babies. and grass.

i’m not *this* bad, but….

12. I’m missing two permanent teeth, so I still have two baby teeth! Hence the gaps in my smile. One of the remaining baby teeths is loose. This year, I may be the world’s only 31 year old to put a tooth under her pillow. You can bet I expect to be paid some interest on that.

13. i have really flat feet. you know when people get out of the pool, and leave their beautifully shaped footprints on the cement? I leave puddles.

these are my people.

14. i have recurring dreams about summer camp. It may be my life’s mission to open a summer camp. i always dream about living in trees and cabins, barbecues and singing songs. on second thought, maybe I’m really dreaming about being an Ewok.

15. Speaking of Ewoks, I am a huge Star Wars fan.

16. my favorite childhood games are GeoSafari and Connect Four.

17. i love qtips. mmmm eargasm.

a girl without freckles is like a night without stars.

18. i dont have any birthmarks or freckles. ive always wanted some. one year for my birthday, my mom and sister bought be a special makeup pencil that makes freckles.

19. the thing i miss most about college? riding my bike to my friends’ houses. and my bike had a basket, and I always wanted to invent a drink holder for it.

20. i pass out when i get shots unless i am lying down. sometimes i hyperventilate into a faint before they even needle me.

21. i play guitar and i like to write funny songs about things like frozen yogurt.

“hold me, sully”

22. I have a super guilty pleasure in “Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman.”

23. My other tv celebrity crush is David Duchovny from the Xfiles. I own several seasons on dvd, had a fish I named Mulder, and have lost countless nights of sleep from some of the more horrific episodes.

sit and smell the flowers.

24. My favorite childhood book is Ferdinand, about a bull that just wants to sit and smell the flowers and not have to fight in the Spanish bull ring. My favorite adult book is Jane Eyre.

25. I have never been able to somersault or cartwheel or do splits. Ever. It used to make me cry. Now I just rub my belly and laugh.

26. Sometimes I’m not even sure I want a job. Maybe I can be a tragic hermit who doesnt leave her house for five years but produces the greatest work of semi autobiographical fiction since Sylvia Plath. Minus the whole head in the oven part. Maybe I’ll order my pizza delivery online like Sandra Bullock in “The Net.” Maybe sympathetic readers will take turns bringing me casseroles and ignore how much I smell and the ratty Bill Cosby sweaters I’m wearing. As long as I’m going with creepy old lady writer vibe, I hereby declare I would definitely have dogs instead of cats.

27. i am allergic to most fruits and vegetables. they have a chemical in them that makes my face explode. then i have to take benadryl, and then i fall asleep almost immediately. that part is funny, but how much i miss apples is not a joke.