Fine being a Single Lady. Specially if I can look like Beyonce? K thanks.

I want you to know – I am super okay with being single 99.9999 times the square root of pi percent of the time. The little fraction that is the remainder only pops up when I’m on my period or someone asks me “Why are you still single?” or “So…what are you doing for Valentine’s Day?” or “How are you holding up with all this Valentine’s Day stuff?” like living through February 14th as a single woman is somehow on par with surviving a zombie apocalypse.

All of that happened today, so it’s safe to say, I’m teetering on the edge of “not okay right now.”

I mean, I may occasionally post a “dude all this ‘everyone is in love but me stuff sucks'” Facebook update, but I am truly okay with just being me. I’m busy, I make myself laugh, I eat chicken nuggets at almost every meal, I sleep with a mouthguard, so…don’t know if there is yet room in that equation for someone else.

I wrote a whole blog for the Huffington Post about the many ways I have dealt with Valentine’s Day over the past few years…the common denominators throughout all of them were wine and other single friends. Tonight, I settled for “Talledega Nights,” my roomie whose boyfriend was out of town, and red wine so cheap it was simply called “red wine.” I giggled myself silly through most of the movie, set up a drink date with a platonic boyfriend next week, remembered how delicious microwave popcorn is, and fell in love with my new electric blanket. Pretty solid night.

gorgeous arrangement! from who?!?!
my beautiful flowers!

My day was awesome, too. I was sent TWO anonymous flower arrangement things at work, both totally gorgeous…and my mom swears neither is from her. I’m almost weirded out by them, they were both so unexpected! One even came with a gift card for sandwiches! Score! And a lot of “I love you, Miss Weight!” as I walked through the halls. My volleyball team is looking AWESOME at practice and I cannot wait for our first game, this Thursday. I have four days off of work this weekend. I finally got a haircut, after having it on my to-do list since August. My Christmas candle is still going strong. I love that smell of pine and presents. And, in all kinds of sweet, one of my best friends brought me an awesome Italian dinner, balloon, and card, complete with a bottle of wine, for me to enjoy tonight. So presh. Love my Cinder.

So, it is almost 11pm. I am considering heading to bed (I am super night owl…probably won’t sleep til 1am or so), the coffee is prepared, I cleaned the kitchen, I’m in pajamas, so I think it’s safe to say I have survived another Valentine’s Day.

I won’t lie and say there were no tears, no twinges of pain. Right at this moment, I can’t even put words to the emotion behind really wanting a back rub and someone to be the big spoon to my little spoon right here on this raggedy ol couch. Or someone besides my students telling me I look pretty.

my wish from 11.11.11. still wishing.

But. I have books, volleyball, music, chicken nuggets, wine, nail polish, words with friends, the new puppy, my dear friends, conversation hearts (my fav candy), it’s almost baseball season, and all kinds of good things going on in my world right now. My belly is full, my heart aches a little, but it’s full, my wine glass…needs a refill. :)

goodnight. i made it. we made it. tomorrow is the 15th. and i have a whole year until this mess strikes again.

found love in a hopeless place. (concord)