someone's been working out...

We’re doing hometown dates, which is a nice change because the girls get to plan the dates, we meet the crazies behind their hot messes, and see them away from all the drama that is a part of a bunch of girls living in a house and all dating the same boy (which is just so normal).

Lindzi in Florida – on a horse…shocking! “Horses have been a part of my life since before I was born.” “I was riding before I could walk.” I hate when people say stuff like that. For example: “I was dancing/singing/talking/breathing before I could walk.” blah blah blah. Just be talented without putting a ridiculous time line on it. Lindzi is actually pretty okay…but every time they hang out…I just want her to clear her voice and pin her hair back. And wipe some of that makeup down. And, no offense to those I know, but I am wary of only children….there is so much of life that you missed out on. It’s really important that your parents socialize you a lot if you are an only child, otherwise, your teachers will be able to spot you and your impolite self-centeredness a mile away.

General Bachelor Side Note: I’m confused by these women who say its so hard for them to be vulnerable and open up…I find myself emotionally vomiting all over any guy I ever meet. Who are these women that can’t open up emotionally? That is our forte. We are emotion. Girls on the Bachelor are always like “I’ve been so burned, its so hard for me to trust guys and be vulnerable, blah blah.” So…you decided to go on national television to work out those issues? Smart.

Kacie B you are my girl!

Kacie B – um….I love you, but…this opening number has me embarrassed for you…I get the baton gimmick – a throw back to the first date. But. No. Then she totally went for the “run and jump into your arms” thing. Blah. When she was revealing how special the place was for her, and the love her grandparents had for each other, and the inspiration that they were for her to seek a higher love…Ben was so disappointing…just like when she revealed her eating disorder and he was practically mute. Note: Have some sympathetic lines ready for these women. We are all watching and judging you.

The Family – I’m glad that Mom stepped up and said she didn’t want them to move in together right away. I totally agree with that, for lots of reasons, some because I’m a Christian. But I’m also really self-aware of the world we live in. In the majority of cases, saving your first time for marriage is not an option because of things that have happened in your past. However, you may not have lived with a significant other before, and at least that is a gift and a first that you can give your husband or wife. I know that’s something I’m planning on giving. Love these Bible belt people. Pump them traditions!

General Bachelor Note: “Family is super important to me.” “We are super close as a family.” – People always say these things on the show like anyone could ever say “Family means nothing to me…I hate these people that raised me.” We gotta come up with something new.

Nicki….she  has always annoyed me for some reason. Just being so sickly sweet. But I saw a lot more passion between them and they hd a good time on this date. I loved the cowboy boots and hats, although Ben looked like a huge dork. And then I liked the lemonade in a mason jar being thrown across the bar at them. That’s class. I wanna do that. I liked her parents. Nice to see a civilized divorced couple…her dad was super sweet and seemed so concerned. I wanted to marry Dad. So cute.

AND THEN! COURTNEY’S HOME DATE!!!!!

The moment we were all hating for. OMG. Mom does the baby voice, too…so we know where it’s coming from. They seemed pretty typical Scottsdale people. If you notice Courtney’s face…it pretty much looks the same whether its sad, happy, angry, surprised, or whatever fake emotion she’s trying to portray. This has everything to do with the multiple injections i’m sure she’s had. it weirds me out.

Courtney’s whole wedding scheme and writing vows and rings…that was scary to me. That would freak me out. They had some cute little vows, but…it just didn’t feel comfortable. She acts like a little girl in so many ways, with the hair flips, baby voice, prancing around, the farcical insecurity. I guess some guys find that cute, like it’s someone they can protect and shelter, but I find it so annoying.

ROSE CEREMONY

We don’t have cocktail parties anymore, with so few girls left. The drama was relatively short, which was nice. Kacie’s dress and Nicki’s dress looked terrible and I was sad for them. Courtney got a rose, Lindzi got a rose, and we thought for SURE Nicki was going home…but it was Kacie B! I was so sad for her. And she had a tragic limo confession…Mom and Dad sure aren’t proud of the f-bombs she was dropping. But they seemed to have such a genuine relationship. I’m confused! I have little interest in watching the rest of this pan out…but I guess I’ll have to.

What I DO know is that I’ve said all along that Kacie B is too cute and too good for him…and I’m positive she will find someone perfect for her soon. I just hate seeing/hearing 24 year old girls thinking their lives are over because your reality star boyfriend didn’t work out. Life is bigger and better, and you will find it. But thanks for letting us watch you fall in love and then fall apart. Highly entertaining.

Until next week!