We are in the “exotic date” portion of this season, headed to Switzerland – which just makes me want to watch “Sound of Music.” One of my fav countries.

We get a nice little recap of each lady…and I know a small part of each of us was missing Kacie B the whole time. Poor baby with her F-bombs in the limo confession. I keep thinking “she’s only 24 and an admin assistant…life is gonna get so much bigger.” Like I’m some wise sage of relationship knowledge, a single junior high teacher at 27.

Nicki gets first date – how many lame helicopter jokes can Ben throw into one camera monologue?? “heights” “grounded” “producers told me to say this.” Switzerland is really beautiful, but I don’t know if I could do a helicopter nose-dive into the Alps without needing an adult diaper.

Nicki is growing on me…I think they had a really nice hometown date. You want to root for her, because she’s been through a divorce as a young person, which is hard. But it’s only been 1.5 years since her divorce, and she’s still too fresh from that. BUT they both look really cute in mountain clothes and enjoy an adorable Alps-top picnic. Super. Normal. Date. And I want to know what type of push-up bra Nicki is wearing. And where she got her scarf.

As they talked, she had the self-awareness to say “if I’m too much, too soon,” which is good because I feel she can really front-load the “relationship” talk. And Ben with the “well, you already dropped the L-bomb, so…” haha. That was kinda funny. And then they went into kids talk and got a little serious about stuff. I think that’s her Midwest – going full speed.

Then the Fantasy Suite Card comes out. I love that we still act surprised. “Oh, whats this?!” Seriously, we know its coming, just read it and decide.

Ben – ” I love our conversations….(subtext) now I want to try to see you naked in the Fantasy Suite.” Insert gross make out and girl agrees, despite small part of her brain realizing her parents will see this.

Here’s my opinion on the Fantasy Suite

Plus – No televisions around, can say things you couldn’t normally say. As I discussed with my girls tonight – there is plenty I would say about my family, past relationships, and expectations for the future to a guy who might propose to me, but would never say on camera because I wouldn’t want to throw anyone under the bus. Once that camera crew leaves, we could finally have a real heart-to-heart about a lot of those things.

Minus – he’s thinking and America is thinking you’ll sleep with him. For many reasons, I just wouldn’t. And I totally think its possible to spend that night together talking (and lets be honest, making out in the hot tub in the Swiss Alps. No getting around that!) and being cozy without letting it go so far. When Emily was up front with Brad about what that suite would mean to her, and knowing her daughter would watch, I gained SO much respect for her. I really appreciated it. That would be the move I would take.

Then we getΒ Lindzi – aka Ice Queen? I am still so annoyed with her hair and phlegmy throat I can barely focus on her. But while Nicki has the nice cleavage, but Lindzi’s got legs for days. She is cute.

But here’s where I get annoyed with Ben – why can’t he have anything to say when these girls are spilling their hearts out? He mutters “hmmm” and nods, but doesn’t offer anything at all except a noisy make out to quiet them. He’s a listener, but not a comfort or counsel. Not long run relationship (aka husband) material.

And finally…Courtney – eeeeeeevil. He looks good in the camelhair jacket and scarf.

Sidenote – I want to go somewhere and play “Hey Cow.”

Courtney and her talk about the girls in the house…insinuating that they were mean to her?! She said she “had my guard up.” Ummmm Β pretty sure that she was the one spitting venom the whole time. Ben tried to talk about it with her a few times….she seemed to say all the right things, but seriously, guys – girls who say they don’t get along with other women are a HUGE RED FLAG.

“Secret Surprise” Guest – Kacie B!!! Shut UP!!!!!!!! I love how he acts all surprised…its the seventeenth season of Bachelor, we’ve done the surprise guest thing the last six times, but Ben wasn’t expecting this? C’mon, buddy. I like how he closed the door on the cameraman who then must have had to immediately open it back up and let himself in.

So Kacie B wants some answers….she looks SO beautiful and she is a genuine person…I think she dodged a bullet in getting out of a relationship with this guy who clearly is thinking with his…not brain or heart. Ben has really sunk in esteem for me.Β I think she flew to Switzerland to nail the spot for America’s sweetheart and next bachelorette. And if she did…worked for ME!!!!!! Kacie B for Bachelorette!

Ben and Chris have a little sit down before final ceremony…and Ben’s voice is cracking over how “confuuuuuused” he is. He also needed some help getting dressed for this….yiiiiikes.

In the end...goodbye Nicki. You were growing on me, and I’m a tiny sad to see you go, but you definitely deserve better. Fly, little bird, fly away from this immature man who so badly needs a haircut.

Next week – Girls Tell All!!! Looks to be muy promising!!! Muahahah can’t WAIT!