brian 8If you’re anything like me (and God help you) you have been biting your nails over the recent talks between Brian Wilson and the SF Giants. He spent last year on the bench after recovering from his second Tommy John surgery, and now we have to decide if he is worth the minimum 6 something million dollars to bring him back in 2013, when we don’t even really know what his status will be like as he recovers.

We’re talking lots of incentives, we’re talking money the Giants might really need elsewhere, we’re talking what’s Romo’s role going to be in all this.

There are even rumors of a move to the Dodgers, because Brian lives there in the offseason when he’s not shacking up with me.

Wait, whoa whoa whoa.


Say it ain’t so!

Brian, my darling, my lovely…I really need you to not break my heart here. I have stood by you for years now. I have obsessed over your beard, translated your tattoos, spent hours into the night watching your every Youtube video. I have no less than four shirts that bear your name. I have blogged so much about you that when you google for “Brian Wilson’s girlfriend” MY BLOG SHOWS UP.

bwils heart poem

I’ve written you love poems, I’ve defended your facial hair, I got in a blog comment fight with a 14 year old about which one of us knew more personal facts about you. You even sent me a birthday message on the jumbrotron on my 28th birthday. My boyfriend knows I would leave him in an instant if you and I ever became a reality. Heck, I’m pretty sure he would leave me for you!

So please don’t leave. Please read all my blogs about how I love you. Please stay black and orange. Please don’t leave us. Please be worth the millions of dollars the Giants spent on you last year and have loyalty and stay with the one team with a fanbase quirky enough to love you as much we do.

Dear Brian, please, PLEASE don’t break my heart.