Favorite Moment: I just had a truly glorious, free, loud, relieving sneeze. It made me so happy. If I could do that every hour, on the hour…nay, if the whole world could feel such joy in a sneeze, we would have world peace. It was so beautiful.

thanks for the nightie, Gma.
thanks for the nightie, Gma.

Second Favorite Moment o the Week: I’m not going home for Christmas. Which, when I let myself think about it, is absolutely devastating. BUT my family and friends have been sending me packages of love. My Grandma, who is the bees knees, sent me one. Some things were wrapped inside, which I left alone. But some were not. She got me, perhaps on accident, because maybe she meant it for herself, a glorious floor-length, long-sleeved, lilac-flowered, pockets for your kleenex, lace-trimmed nightgown. This nightgown is like a repellent for sexiness. I put it on and was nice and warm, mostly from peeing myself a little when I looked in the mirror.

o, tannenbaum. sorta.

Third Favorite Moment o the Week: When I got the packages from my mom and my Gma, I realized that I was totally stupid to not get a Christmas tree. BUT – “aha!” I thought – there is a whole stinking pile of branches in the yard! So I went out, dressed in pajamas and rain boots and gloves because spiders, and found the biggest branch I could. I dragged it back into the house, propped it up in the tree stand with some logs, and wrapped our fake garlands around it. Then I wrapped some empty boxes in paper (ignore the painters’ tape, its all we had) and then propped my presents up on it. I loved it. It was fake garlands, so no Christmas smell. So I sprayed it with some Febreeze. The effect was…underwhelming. However. I have “tree” !!!

tings i tweeted (said with Scottish accent) @racheldangerw :

  • Why do I find the DVD bins at grocery stores so tempting….
  • It’s funny bc the ice cream box says it contains 11 servings, but I finished it in two bowls, so…joke’s on you, ice cream people!
  • Today’s game is “what’s that smell? Is that me?!”
  • “Is that a spider!?!?!” – me, to just about everything.
  • Anyone else really enjoy scaring cats?
  • My roommate has started peeing with the door open, I think to punish me.
  • Today is a special day. Today is the day I eat a whole pizza by myself.
me gusta cerveza.
me gusta cerveza.

You know what was nice this week? I threw up a Facebook status about being out at a bar with friends, for the first time in the four months I’ve lived here in Durham. And like a thousand people liked that biz.

That’s part of the charm of social media – I can decide that you “liked” it because you like me, because you care about me, and you’re excited (as I am) that a life is starting to build for me here, post-break-up madness, really enjoying my job, sitting in a booth with a couple of guys, drinking craft beer and talking about everything under the sun, and they walk me to my car because they’re gentlemen.

In sad news….Someone I have known since elementary school took his life on Monday. I don’t think I’ve actually talked to Joey since probably junior year of high school…he ended up going to the continuation school, I think. But when I remember him, I remember long, curly red hair, ironic t-shirts before those were a thing, a shy smile, and a really nice guy. I’m sad that he was sad enough to look for peace in that way.

I’ve been really sad before. I’m happier now. It took a lot of work. It made me uncomfortable, because I had to reach out and talk to people and be vulnerable and not make jokes for five whole minutes in a row. But. I would reach back to anyone who reached out.

holding babies is my fav thing.
holding babies is my fav thing.

What I miss… I  want to hold a baby. I want to squeeze it’s fat rolls. I want to make it laugh. I want to pretend my spoon is an airplane with smushed peas on it.

best. dog. ever.
best. dog. ever.

And I want to play with a dog. I want to curl up into a human ball and make it freak out trying to lick my ears. I want to see a paw frantically scratching at nothing as I scratch happiness into it’s belly-up. I want to be tackled as I come in the door, even if I’ve only been gone five minutes.

And I’m at the point post-breakup where I just want a really nice long hug. I want arms rubbing my back, telling me I’m a good person, and it’s all going to be okay.

I need a good hold.

I’m really happy I have a friend coming Christmas Eve. It may only be for a few hours, but I know we will eat and drink and be merry. And the holidays will be over soon, I will have survived them, and we can get on to making resolutions we have no intention of keeping. :)

love and duck butts, world.