The cast of CRAZY

Yaaaaay Monday means more mini-dresses, make-outs, and mindless eye candy with “The Bachelor.” While it does show some shady sides of women, at least there are plenty of dresses, hair styles, shoes, jewelry and bikini choices for me to either lust after or roll eyes at. Great start to my week. This ep begins with 16 girls, there are two one on one dates and one group date…stakes are high! We’re close to home in San Francisco! PS don’t call the City “San Fran.” Gross. I heard that like six times on the show.

Emily the white rapping doctor gets the first date….Of course, Courtney “I’m a model” chimes in with her “deep thoughts” to let us know that in her profound opinion, “book smart is always kinda boring. (weird face).” Thanks, Court. Their date was climbing the Bay Bridge. Super normal. “Bachelor” is famous for making people overcome fears and then use them as metaphors to make gross over-generalizations that they could “overcome anything in our relationship” after “conquering those heights” the first date. I did love Ben’s Top Gun reference – “Talk to me, Goose!” And then the first kiss mid-climb? You’re really out-doing yourself, ABC. I LOVED her online dating story about getting matched up with her older brother! Hilarious. Also, note to my future husband…if you ever order private fireworks for me…that will totally seal the deal. Fireworks are my fav. I thank you in advance.

Kacie B you are my girl!

Group Date – Thoughts….Who calls it a “Leap List” ?? Snow on the streets of SF? Of course they just “happen” to have bikinis on under their outfits for the day….please. Loved seeing tramp stamps and Kacie B was cracking me up with her butt first down the slope approach…..bahahaha. I would totally be the one who biffs on the slope.

During dinner, Rachel was getting really affectionate. I don’t know how I feel about her…she’s got that weird man voice, and she seems chill and like someone that would be fun to party with, but I don’t know about a relationship. I like Kacie B...I hope she stays around. She just needs to stop torturing herself by looking at Ben making out with other girls. Chin up, soldier. Blakely – put your girls away! And Brittany sent herself home…I wasn’t a huge fan, so I’m not upset. I just don’t understand why she kept saying “I was so excited to get the date card” but it was “the hardest decision of my life” and she had to leave. Eh….alright. Go home and figure yourself out.

One on One with Lindzi – They always get these B-list artists to perform a “surprise” concert in a random location. I have no idea why they thought Ben needed the “flashlight and secret key” move…blah. Lindzi seems okay, and she and Ben both have a serious need for barrettes or headbands to get all that thoughtful hair out of their faces. She also thinks everything is way too “amazing seriously amazing.” I don’t know. I couldn’t really focus on what she was saying because I just wanted her to clear her throat the whole time.

Cocktail Party… “I’m a Model” Courtney is starting to show weirder and weirder sides. She’s got a mouth on her. I loved that Emily thinks that Courtney should get diagnosed with a social disorder. Courtney straight up said “we would make cute babies.” Serious? Um…surprise guest looming on the horizon – I was TOTALLY thinking Michelle Money! But it was actually Shawntel from Brad’s season! The funeral director. She can just roll onto the third episode? Shoot. Where is Chris Harrison‘s number. I want to roll on the show next week.

Rose Ceremony – Everyone is freaking about the funeral girl…Erika pulls the drama card with a quick fainting spell. She looked like death warmed up. Homegirl needed to lay down for a few days. It could have been fainting brought on by the large needle that must have been injected into her lower lip to ink in a really terrible tattoo. Jacquelyn was losing her mind, crying, the dramatic music was playing…..and THEN! Ben gets really real and really brutal, sending ALL THREE girls home! I love it.

Headed to Park City next week! We can look forward to more bratty Courtney remarks, topless making out with Blakely, crying from Emily, and more whimpering from Kacie B. Can’t wait! Get your bingo cards ready early next week!