= women. both may often result in tears.

Most men will complain that women are complex, complicated creatures. And I agree that we are like a many layered onion…layer built upon layer, each more delicious and intense than the last…but honestly, when it comes down to it, I promise we can be quite simple. My best friend once said, in a text conversation we were having that lamented the lack of available, amiable, and attractive men, “at this point, I just want someone who’s nice and texts me back.” And it’s true, I do want that. And maybe a little more. And it’s really not hard to figure it out.

If you have a lovely lady you’re looking to secure the attention of and get out of the friend zone, I have 10 easy steps to guide you in the ways that girls work. Don’t be fooled – this list is by no means exhaustive. You’ve gotta have a lot more depth than this to secure our hearts forever, but with this, you’ll definitely get her attention.

the mystery flowers i got on Vday….reveal yourself!

10. Flowers – cliche? Yes. Warm fuzzy feeling inducing? Oh, yes. I don’t know why, but receiving a bouquet – even a fistful of wildflowers, or a single daisy- somehow means something. They’re beautiful and old-fashioned, and we love it. Having them delivered to our work is extremely effective.

9. Mixtapes – I understand cassettes are so out of fashion, I don’t even own anything I could play one on anymore…and even CDs are hard to come by. But there is nothing like an old-fashioned playlist of songs that mean something to you, to me, to us.

8. Like our friends. – Major red flag if you couldn’t get along with my friends. They may have faults, but I love them so much that if you guys didn’t get along…well…you’d be the one to go. These are the girls that are going to help you plan surprises for me (see #4) and who will talk me back from the edge when you and I are going through a rough patch. If they don’t like you because you don’t like them…they’ll be walking me out of the rough patch and over to the single girls meadow. Where I will frolic and dance. And you won’t be invited.

doesn’t even matter what he looks like…he’s playing guitar.

7. Display your admirable qualities – Do you work with kids? Help old ladies across the street? Play guitar? Volunteer somewhere? Care passionately about a worthy cause? Women are extremely attracted to this. Your passion for video games does not qualify. I’m looking for someone who gets off the couch and makes the world a better place. Ain’t no one raising my babies with the world’s best Call of Duty score.

English: Dinosaur formed chicken(?)-nuggets, e...
chicken nugget dinos!

6. Cook something delish  – I am easily impressed by food that didn’t come out of a microwave. So this might mostly apply to me, who eats chicken nuggets like they are real food. There’s something undeniably sexy about a guy making a meal for you, and you get to just sit there and look cute at the table with a glass of wine. My suggestion – learn how to make one fantastic meal, and serve it up for your lady friend. She will swoon.

5. Like our family – But remember, when we are discussing family issues, always take our side. If we’re mentioning something between our family members, remain sympathetic. Be nice to our moms, hang out with our dads, tease our siblings, ask about grandma. But we’re your favorite.

this always works.

4. Surprise us – I remember a boy once bringing me back a magnet from a vacation he went on because he’d wanted me to see how beautiful the sunset was, but he didn’t have a camera. We were 15. It was super cheese. But I thought it was adorable then and I still do. We dated for two years. I remember the hand-written notes, or my favorite coffee unexpected. Calling from outside my house. Planning an adventure for the day or a great date night. When we know you’ve thought of us in advance, it can quickly move you from the friend zone. I still have a hand-written valentine’s day card from when I was 21 years old.

3. Think we are beautiful – and tell us so.

2. Think we are smart – and tell us so.

1. Think we are funny – and tell us so.

See? Wasn’t that pretty easy?

We are sentimental creatures who remember every little thing you do. We want to be noticed. We want to be special. And those things aren’t mysterious at all!

May this list guide hearts and hands together. As I finish my chicken nuggets and glass of wine alone. (but not lonely. don’t worry :) )

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