who will you choose, oh unwise one??

The “Girls Tell All” episode is always one to look forward to in your guilty pleasure viewing of reality tv‘s greatest train wreck, “The Bachelor.” This season has been interesting to follow in the online world, and in magazines, because the sweet, dorky, lovable America’s sweetheart that was Ben from Ashley’s season has become this stupid, typical guy, falling for the “model” who epitomizes every two-faced mean girl you ever knew from high school all wrapped into one simpering, manipulative pout.

We started this episode with a recap of a “Bachelor Reunion” – former cast members met at the mothership in Vegas, and apparently just a drunk dance fest. But it was fun to see and hear from some old favorites! Ed from Jillian’s season – still so hot! Ryan P. – “the guy that talked about water heaters…” that was so awesome. I totally remember that. He’s just SO much. Good to see Michelle Money still working the crazy.

On to the real show…
Things I wish we could have seen:

  • More discussion about psycho Jenna leaving the show.
  • What the girls do all day.
  • Monica and Blakely discussing their pseudo-kiss situation.
  • Updates on who is now happily dating someone with a brain.
  • A slideshow of fashion hits and misses.
Although that wish list wasn’t granted, I was practically salivating for the moment when Courtney would be brought on stage to face the girls!!! But let me start from the beginning.

The thing I like about these reunions is seeing how some of the girls have transformed a little since they were on…who got a spray tan, who changed her hair color, etc. We did some video recapping, everyone got a shout out from the audience, and then the madness began.

We were reminded that Blakely was made out to be enemy number one from the beginning with the first pool makeout. Courtney surprised us when she ended up being the real vortex of evil. Samantha – “honey this” and “honey that,” was totally the “chihuahua in the house.” High-pitched shrieking from someone who was sent home before the rose ceremony even started? Eek. Thats embarrassing.

Shawntel – the ballsy embalmer. Not sure why she thought she could waltz right onto the show and steal Ben’s heart. The girls were totally rude behind her back…I couldn’t believe some of the terrible things they said…commenting on her thighs (which are the size of my wrists) and being cross-eyed…this show sure captures some of the uglier traits of women.

Emily – Rapping epidemiologist. She got the first kiss and a great date. She’s pretty and got a great head on her shoulders and a lot of integrity. And she tried to protect Ben from Courtney, but that may have sealed the deal for her with Ben. But I think looking at these episodes, she can at least hold her head high and know she tried to save him. She’s got class. “I wouldn’t have wanted to end up with somebody who would fall for what Courtney is putting forward.” Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Nicki – Seriously. Clear your throat. Poor thing getting her heart all stomped on by some dweeb who wants to be with Courtney? Girl hold your tears back because he is NOT worth it. She really did grow on me throughout the season…I do like her style and she seems sweet and genuine.

Kacie “you’ll never forget my limo F-bombs” B. – I did think her parents and hometown date sealed the deal on her…but I’m happier for her. The guy that Ben turned out to be doesn’t deserve someone as sweet and cute as Kacie B.

Courtney – what an awesome flashback of some of her most evil moments. She looks good- I loved the dress and dark hair. I think she’s seen everyone’s reaction to watching the show, and how none of us even like Ben any more, and is deciding to try to go on TV and save herself. Emily apologized to her, but Courtney was heinous about it, and it was embarrassing. But now she wants to come on TV and try to apologize for her behavior? Too little too late, child. Emily even brings that up, and then follows up wondering if Courtney has learned anything at all.

Courtney said something interesting….”I cared for Ben, and I still do.” Was that a slip-up? Did they already break up? Hmm…time will tell.

Chris Harrison did a handsome (in many ways) job of stirring the pot and mediating the insults and swear words that were flying in all directions. He’s such a cutie. And we got to see bloopers from the show, which are always funny. THERE’s fun Ben! He’s hiding in the bloopers!!!!! Running naked through vineyards and getting attacked by birds.

So tonight, we’ll finally see the end result of all Ben’s bad choices. I’m finding it hard to even care at this point. But once this is over, what’s sure to be a sickeningly sweet season of too-good-to-be-true Emily will start right up! Can’t wait.