Sunglasses Always Fit

Being sick is a pain. But there are also parts of it I enjoy in some sort of sadistic way. I’ve been feeling icky since about Tuesday night; headache, and that feeling you get where your brain is fuzzy, body feels heavy, your eyelids hurt, and there is a sense of impending doom on your horizon.

I hit full out sick Thursday at work. I’m a teacher, so getting sick is your worst nightmare. Having a sub come is like asking a stranger to live your life for a day; doesn’t matter how well you prepare or how tidy and easy you make it, everything will be a wreck when you get back to it.

But I dug in my heels and prepared for hospice for the weekend. And it was super successful.

I missed a family dinner, a baby shower, volleyball practice, a basketball tournament. I spent roughly 40 hours on the couch, and all other hours were in my bed. I watched two seasons of Homeland, six episodes of Smash, three episodes of Shameless, two of 30Rock, one of Parks and Rec. I cleaned out my pajama/socks/toiletries/jewelry drawer. Found things I’d forgotten I had. It was like Christmas coming again.

I haven’t showered since Wednesday night. I can’t remember when I brushed my teeth, but I disinfected my mouthguard (I’m a grinder. Real bad. I’m grinding right now. I have to chew gum or drink or eat to not grind. Hence my generally chubby and tipsy nature. :) ) I went through 27 teabags (Throat Coat and Ginger), one entire bear container of honey, and lost three pounds. I invented a kind of “frozen yogurt” made of old smashed bananas. I went completely mute for ten hours until my roommate got home.

I feel like all I’ve been doing for three days is drinking liquids and peeing them out. My scalp hurts. I can’t stop crying. Swallowing my own spit takes considerable effort.

But it’s still kinda fun, just because I got a day off work, and I’ve been the laziest piece of worthless I never normally let myself be.

I don’t normally watch TV unless the Giants are playing, so to watch episodes of shows I’ve heard of for years is really cool. I suddenly get all these pop culture references. And I’m so competitive, that even in being sick, it’s like a badge of honor to keep count of how many hours since my last shower. Or how many times you’ve thrown up, or how high your fever was.

Or like last year at this time, I had the Noro virus for a week and didn’t pee for like three days, and when I finally peed, it was brown. (This means your liver is like eating itself or something crazy.)

Capitalism, even in illness.

:)

Anyway. I’m going to set up my laptop to play a movie while I sit in the bubble bath.

Being sick in the first world isn’t so bad. Not like the diarrhea I had in Guatemala, when all I had was a bucket and aggressive cockroaches. Good times. Oh, there I go competing against myself again.

However….That’s a win win!

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• 12 Days of Plague (sparky-sprite.com)
• Got flu? Got sick time? (utsandiego.com)
• Sick and Tired (davidscommonplacebook.wordpress.com)