Rose Ceremony – Episode One

Trashy reality TV is best when watched with friends. Misery loves company. Misery and reality tv go hand in hand, because the human condition of the contestants appears to be quite miserable. Thousands of years from now, our ancestors will look upon us and laugh at the “Real Housewives” (oh, SO real) and “Jersey Shore” and other nonsense we distracted ourselves with. They will mock our lowbrow tastes and celebrity obsessions. Or maybe television will have degenerated further still and the top show will be “Poop Diaries.”

This season of “The Bachelor” is already proving to be “one of the most _______________ EVER,” as Chris Harrison constantly reminds us. I’ll be doing my weekly recap on this blog. Read last week’s here. If you need to catch up on all the official hoopla, check out ABC’s site here.

Theme parties have experienced quite the resurgence among our generation, and a “Bachelor” theme party is a great way to start off your week on a Monday night.

Here are my suggestions for a fabulous Girls Night in for “The Bachelor.”

oh please. lemme tasting, sunset, make out on blanket?

1. Make invitations. Make them cheeky and adorable just like the ones the Bachelor gives girls tonight for the show’s first one-on-ones!

2. Suggest costumes – prom dresses a la the limo introductions. Have a contest for best/worst dressed.

3. As an ice-breaker, have everyone say what their opening line to the Bachelor would be.

4. Champagne toasts at every commercial break- very necessary.

5. Print out these cheat sheets to help people take notes and track all the girls. This will help you remember the real names of people I call things like “horse girl” “obnoxious accent girl” “girl who talked about babies girl.”

6. As we get further into the season, google for contestant trivia and ask trivia questions during commercials.

7. Make brackets and bet on who goes home each episode. I know people who have won big money this way! Whoever wins the bracket that week gets a single rose to go home with!

9. Play Bachelor Bingo! Visit this site to download blank bingo cards. I selected these terms myself based on easy/hard/have to watch the whole show to win/most eye-rolling worthy. Before the show begins, hang out a card to each invitee and ask them to randomly fill in the following words/key themes/viewings:

  • ello ello ben!
  • “Bachelor”
  • “Cheers”
  • “intense”
  • “journey”
  • “there’s something you don’t know about me”
  • “I just want to go home”
  • “I didn’t think it would be this hard/like this.”
  • crying
  • “learn about myself”
  • talking about bad past relationships
  • revealing a fear
  • helicopter date
  • “say your goodbyes”
  • limo
  • talking about parents
  • hot tub scene
  • make out scene
  • bleeped out words
  • cat-fight
  • “love”
  • “here for the right reasons”
  • watching a sunrise or a sunset
  • ocean scene
  • Bachrlo stares into the distance with a voiceover about his feelings.

Can’t wait for tonight’s episode! Remember you can follow Chris Harrison, the hostest with the mostest AND Bachelortv on twitter….and you should totally pick up on #bachelornation for everyone’s cheeky commentary throughout the show. We’re all having a lot of virtual fun.

Let me know your thoughts! The quest for love continues on tonight’s….”Bachelor.”